Sasuke x reader jealous sakura
oh tukso layuan moko
2023.06.10 06:20 namishidae oh tukso layuan moko
2023.06.10 05:53 ladyfallona iReader X-Pen Gen 3 EMR Stylus with Eraser
2023.06.10 05:41 CodingBuizel L15 Gen 4 vs E16 (AMD)
I was thinking of getting a Thinkpad and I have settled on getting either the L15 gen 4 or the E16. Both cost nearly the same. The T series is too expensive for me. I will be using the laptop for programming, light gaming and streaming. I will not be using an external display or a dock.
Specs: L15 Gen 4 * CPU: AMD Ryzen™ 7 PRO 7730U Processor * RAM: 32 GB (2 x 16 GB) SO-DIMM DDR4 3200MHz * SSD: 1 TB SSD M.2 2242 PCIe Gen4 TLC Opal * Display: 39.62cms (15.6) FHD (1920 x 1080), IPS, Anti-Glare, Non-Touch, 45%NTSC, 250 nits, 60Hz * Wireless: RZ616 Wi-Fi 6E 11AX (2x2) & Bluetooth® 5.1 * Ports: 2 x USB-A 3.2 Gen 1, USB-C 3.2 Gen 2, USB-C 3.2 Gen 1, HDMI 2.0, RJ45, Headphone / mic combo, MicroSD card reader
E16 * CPU: AMD Ryzen™ 7 7730U Processor * RAM: 24 GB (8 GB Soldered DDR4 3200MHz + 16 GB SO-DIMM DDR4 3200MHz) * SSD: 1 TB SSD M.2 2280 PCIe Gen4 TLC Opal, Empty M.2 2242 connector * Display: 40.64cms (16) WQXGA (2560 x 1600), IPS, Anti-Glare, Non-Touch, 100%sRGB, 400 nits, Narrow Bezel, Low Blue Light * Wireless: Realtek RTL8852BE Wi-Fi 6 11AX (2x2) & Bluetooth® 5.1 * Ports: USB-C 3.2 Gen 2 (full-function), USB-C 3.2 Gen 1, 2 x USB-A 3.2 Gen 1, HDMI 1.4, Ethernet (RJ45), Headphone / mic combo
I've heard that the L series is more durable and has better build quality than the E series. Is that still true?
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2023.06.10 05:09 Billyswaggster Dropping my 86 with coilovers
| So I am planning to buy some coilovers. Most likely the Tein Flex A’s. I am going to go as low as possible with them. Are these the coilovers I should be doing this with or should I look into different ones? Anddd any advice? Thanks submitted by Billyswaggster to Stance [link] [comments] |
2023.06.10 05:08 RoastyTheToastyGhost [PART 128] The otome tag on Steam is being invaded by hentai/other unrelated games, can anyone else on the platform help me flag the tag on those games? Also, would appreciate help tagging games that are actually otome that don't have it
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2023.06.10 05:06 Billyswaggster Slamming on Coilovers
| I am planning to go as low as I can with some coil overs. I am wondering if I should do this with the Tein Flex A coilovers. Any advice? submitted by Billyswaggster to coilovers [link] [comments] |
2023.06.10 04:23 Forsaken_Good7372 Will this hurt my car or drain the battery?
submitted by Forsaken_Good7372 to mechanic [link] [comments]
2023.06.10 04:20 PakmanAzul1 ALL My Translated Songs
I've been translating songs and making lyric videos for them for quite a bit, and 4 of my channels have been taken down, so I decided to order all my translations in a single post! Take into account that the older the season, the older the video, and thus the quality is also worse lol.
If you wish to ask for a song you'd like to see translated, feel free to send me a DM, or just write a comment.
Seasonal:
Summer 2021 - Sapphire Phantasm (From the Detective is Already Dead)
Winter 2022: - Shuwa Shuwa (From Slow Loop)
- Hana (From Takagi-san Season 3)
- Fantasy to! (From Fantasy Bishoujo Juniku Ojisan)
Spring 2022 - Arigatou No Hana (From Quintuplets Movie)
- Love Vacation (From Quintuplets Movie)
- Giri Giri (From Kaguya Ultraromantic)
- Heart wa Oteage (From Kaguya Ultraromantic)
- My Nonficiton (From Kaguya Ultraromantic)
- Akane Class Activity Report Team Sheep(From Kunoichi Tsubaki)
- Akane Class Activity Report Team Snake (From Kunoichi Tsubaki)
- Akane Class Activity Report Team Monkey(From Kunoichi Tsubaki)
- Akane Class Activity Report Team Ox (From Kunoichi Tsubaki)
- Honey Jet Coaster(From Shikimori-san)
- ROUTE BLUE (From Shikimori-san)
- BROKEN IDENTITY (From Yuusha, Yamemasu)
- Growing (From yuusha, Yamemasu)
- OveR (From Date a Live !V)
- Koi wa Sekai Teiri to Tomo ni (From Love After World Domination)
- Ao 100-iro (From Komi-san Season 2)
- selfish (From MobSeka)
- Mixed Nuts (From Spy x Family)
Fall 2022 - If I Could be a Constellation(From Bocchi the Rock!)
The Little Sea (From Bocchi The Rock!) Lost the file, will remake soon, and it was an ugly video anyways - Love is Show(From Kaguya Movie)
- Heart Notes (From Kaguya Movie)
- Romantic Manifesto (From Kaguya Movie)
Winter 2023 - Neppu wa Rutensuru(From Ayakashi Triangle)
Others
Gochuumon wa Usagi desu ka? - Heart Purupuru Jiken Desu - (Furimawasare-tai)
- Happy Holiday - (Syaro)
- Happiness Encore - (Petit Rabbit's)
- Nikkori Cafe no Mahoutsukai- (Petit Rabbit's)
- Caffeine Fighter - (Syaro)
- "@Guuruguru World@ - (Syaro)
- Sentimental-gokko - (Chino)
- Growth Record - (Takahiro)
- Chessmatch café check-au-lait- (Chino, Fuyu)
- E wo Sagasu Nichijou - (Rize, Syaro)
- The Phantom Thief Lapin - (Syaro)
- Hi Hi High ☆ - (Syaro)
- Blend of Memory - (Chino, Saki)
- Spring Hello!! - (Cocoa)
- Non Peace My Pace - (Cocoa, Chiya)
- Blend of Memory (Remake) - (Chino, Saki)
- "Rabbit House e Ikou yo♪" no Uta - (Cocoa)
Sword Art Online Alicization Symphonic Orchestra (My First Videos) - Blazing the Future (Kirito, Eugeo, Alice)
- Meaning the Start (Alice)
- Deepening the Dark (Dee Eye Ell, Sigurosig, Furgr)
- Crossing the Thirst (Iskahn, Sheyta)
- Evolving the Heart (Renly, Fizel, Linel)
- Lightning the Lives (Asuna, Leafa, Sinon)
- Recovering the Courage (Kirito, Eugeo, Asuna, Leafa, Sinon)
- Defeating the Greed (Kirito, Asuna)
Kanojo Okarishimasu - Date (Chizuru)
- Kanojo Sengen (Ruka) Also Remake here (Much Better)
Kaguya-sama (The ones not on the seasons section)
- Aoharu (Ishigami) Manga Spoilers
- Checking Answers (Kaguya)
- Kaze ni Fukarete (Ending Season 2)
Leftovers lol - Ryuusei Nochi Hare (From BOKUBEN We Never Learn)
Songs I kind of translated but haven't finished (I didn't even remember most of these existed until I checked my files to make this post) - That Band (Form Bocchi the Rock!)
- The Spring Pink Lipstick (From Kaguya-sama)
- Golden Route (From Kinkoi VN)
- shining! our life (From Kinkoi VN)
- Kimi no Egao Mitai Kara (From Quintuplets Videogame)
- Be my friend! (From The Stronges Demon Lord Reborn as a Typical Nobody)
- Beginning the Destiny (From SAOA Symphonic Orchestra)
- Sakura Selfish (From Kanojo, Okarishimasu)
And that's all of them! (I think)
I'll be updating this post when I make more!
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2023.06.10 04:13 _a_r_i_ Updated Masterlist of College Essay Resources
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2023.06.10 04:01 Forsaken_Good7372 Which should I get between the two?
2023.06.10 03:17 Forsaken_Good7372 Which should I get between the two?
2023.06.10 03:17 choas_king785 this bitch been on 70+ tweet spree of zion take ha fucking phone
2023.06.10 03:07 TheGalaxydoll13 Welp. I’ve never been this unlucky with the Pokémon Center etbs before.
2023.06.10 03:04 Mifluffy_brisas [Demon Slayer] Lost Muzan Fic please help
Basically it's a Muzan x Reader fic where he really hates flowers but begins to like him due to his various meeting with the reader. He sees her trying to save her little sister (and she fails), rescue a small cat, and it takes a while for him to even approach her. When they have their first kiss Muzan freaks out and runs away and it takes forever for him to decide to see her again. Eventually they finally admit their feelings and get happy ending. Between each meeting something makes him admit flowers are beautiful (maybe a hairpiece or necklace she was wearing). I'm pretty sure it was on tumblr and the title had something to do with flowers. PLEASE HELP ME I LOVE THIS FIC AND I CAN'T FIND IT
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2023.06.10 02:33 saislo RANT about RENEWING RESIDENT PARKING PERMIT
(and breathe....)
How on this sweet earth does OUR council manage to spew away OUR money on technolgical functionality that is not only not fit for purpose but is actually kind of sort of kind of deliberately snarky! It's kind of, "Thanks for uploading all that stuff you already uploaded three months ago and we realised that it used to be SO MUCH EASIER, but today wer're going to actually just go, nah. For shits and giggles."
For the record. I actually scanned a whole new batch of shite - so as to be within date of their 'within the last x time'. I am bemused. In an utterly infurated want to murder people kind of way.
The parking stuff in Brighton is beyond a joke, as per council-run stuff, from residents' parking to actually allowing anyone to kind of even go near getting a parking space south of Patcham without having a direct link to the gods to perhaps maybe sort of if you pray hard enough get a connection to the the app master who will deign you worthy of getting 'through' to them to pay half your month's food bill to park in the town you live in for a couple of hours as you stand in front of the machine, and scan the QR code in desperatoin because the app work doesn't work and if it does, it times out while checking the card you loving registered with them in order to actually maybe be able to GOSH park in the city where this nonsense company runs the parking meters.
Oh, but, car free, carbon neutral, lah, lah. Yeah, so my car free friends say when they're not wanting me to take their shit to the tip or run them to the stations...
I would rather take my own liver out with a crochet hook than even attempt to park in Brighton these days, and now, apprently, having lived at the same address for 20 years, paid my council tax (God I sound like a Daily Mail reader), and so on, have only ever 'renewed' my parking permit, went to do it, and now, "WE NEED MORE INFORMATION".
I'm going to write a stern letter to my local councillors, and in the meantime try to find out what the effing whatever the dark portal of resident parking renewal - first born ripe from the 13th flooor of the Sussex County Hospital tower block? Some freshly brewed level ket? - require and oblige them.
Fuck. So fucking effing stupid pointless stupid waste of time dealing with the idiot ridiculousness that is all this. How on this earth did Brighton and Hove City Council manage to instigate a 'bit' of their website re resident parking permit renewals that is just the most awful thing? It's kind of like they actually tried? I can't see or understand how it can be so awful without someone or some people actually trying to make it functionally and practically and actually this unfit for purpose. Well, well done them if that was the brief!
(and breathe....)
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2023.06.10 02:06 KDBurner_54 Why Boruto being tied to Sarada’s Arc Actually Strengthens her Potential Character Arc, rather then weakening it.
As a fan, You tend to hear criticisms a lot that boruto may very well be a hindrance to her character, and just makes her ship fodder for more money. And at the same time, i get it and I’m pretty fearful too that i could be wrong, but at the same time, after further evaluation, i disagree with that statement and think it could set up for something great.
If you recall the Scarlet Spring Gaiden, where Sarada tries to sever her bonds with Sakura, because she simply isn’t related by blood, and therefore, she shouldn’t be with her, Naruto reminds her of the bond that she had with sakura, and even if sakura weren’t her mother, it wouldn’t matter simply because of the tight bond she shares with Sakura.
This mentality is once again being tested, especially since Sarada constantly nags Boruto about how lazy and carefree he is at times in the manga, to the point where she considers it a hindrance. So it begs a very interesting question for her Character Arc, and one that was similar to Naruto trying to save sasuke(In this case, sasuke is Boruto):-
Why should you even save Boruto? It’s not like mentality wise, you truly do see eye to eye with him. Sure, he has helped you a lot throughout the years, got you out of your shell and made you a little more social, but at the same time, Sasuke is now going to be known as a criminal, and honestly, down the line, she could be known as the traitor’s daughter, and be bullied by the rest of the village like Naruto once was. Better yet, she’s the traitor’s daughter that tried to kill naruto, and could be known as the traitors daughter that might have schemed to kill naruto.
If she simply sides with Kawaki and helps Kawaki kill Boruto, she could bring back her father, and everything could be happy again, and she’d be known as the hero of the hidden leaf alongside Kawaki. It’s simply so much more efficient to let Boruto be on his own, and not let sasuke help him. It’s not like he’s your blood relative, after all. Just a friend. And as Sarada herself was in that certain episode, she scolds Boruto about the thinking that “friends aren’t forever”. If friends aren’t forever, then it isn’t easier to cut off Boruto? Once again, it’s not like you can’t find another friend. As Kawaki would say himself, helping Boruto is an action that would make all your friends into foes. Helping Boruto would ruin her life, so there has to be extremely good reasoning that you’d pull that off.
In the end, she’s now in a similar spot to 5 kage summit Naruto, where Sasuke is simply a criminal that needs to be dealt with in everyone’s eyes, and there’s little to no chance he’ll be able to be saved. Better yet, it’s now up to her decide what pursuing bonds over blood and efficiency truly means in a time where it’s simply so much easier to be efficient. It’s such a fitting character arc for Sarada, as making tough decisions like that is what it means to truly be a Hokage. I don’t think anyone can replace this role boruto fills in her character arc, their relationship is very unique and completely fit for this character arc, as well as the history their fathers have that makes it even more tougher. It also helps answers and updates where she was at first in the Caiden, versus where she is now.
And it’s not just an answer she herself pursues, but Naruto as well. You see time and time again in Boruto, Naruto being tested in his resolve to simply pursue the most efficient method in killing Boruto. In the end, it’s like the Jiraiya and naruto situation all over again, where Sarada is now entrusted with finding the answer herself in maintaining shinobi customs in not killing Boruto and doing it the humane way against her Nagato in Kawaki, the negative Naruto disciple. It’s also a nice return the favour moment from sarada, where just as Naruto saved her father, sasuke, Sarada will save her son, Boruto.
Therefore, Both Boruto and Kawaki are potentially extremely valuable to her Character Arc in following the path of naruto, and the strongest path to Hokage, just as she desires. Boruto is therefore, not a hindrance to her character if written well.
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2023.06.10 01:59 SadTreacle2537 make up looks awful
2023.06.10 01:54 EmmaThais What are the real plot holes of Naruto?
Long post ahead:
TLDR: Let's categorize the
real Naruto plotholes in these categories:
A) Real plot holes:
- Drawing errors
- Deus ex machina
- Unbelivable character choises
- Continuity errors
- Logic plotholes
- Consistency plotholes/retcons
B) Things that are often called plotholes but actually aren't
- same categories
The never-ending conversation.
There's a lot of people that call everything in Naruto a plot hole, solely because they didn't like it, didn't understand the story, or didn't agree with the narrative the author went with.
Let's make a compelling, actual list of real Naruto plot holes!
Let's start with the deffinition of the term, so that we don't use it as an umbrela term for what we consider "bad" storytelling:
Oxford dictionary: plot hole = an element in the story in a book, film, etc. that does not fit with other parts of the story
I suggest putting them in 4 categories:
A) Real plot-holes 1) Drawing errors such as
Minato's head
2) Deus ex machina - when a hopeless situation is suddenly solved by an unexpected occurance.
- I can't really think of any example from Naruto, but maybe you can find some.
- I'll give a examples from other media:
- What is Deus ex machina: When R2D2 suddently saved Padme when he realizes he can actually fly
- What
isn't Deus ex machina: "Why didn't they take the Eagles to mordor?"
3) Unbelivable character choises - pretty self explanatory
4) Continuity errors - such as Kakashi's age when he was promoted to chunin
5) Logic plotholes - but make them within the boundaries of the universe
- such as why did the toad who hold the key to Naruto's seal say that Kyuubi attacking human settlements is a natural occurence
6) Consistency plotholes/retcons - ANBU powerlevel
- Hiruzen being the God of Shinobi (I can actually argue this one, but I'll put it here just for the sake of it)
- Minato's sage mode
Now we can go even further:
B) Things that are often called plotholes, but aren't, cause they were explained by the story or by having a deeper understanding of the universe: -use the same categories. I'll start:
3) Unbelivable character choises - The reason Hiruzen didn't take better care of Naruto
- The reason Itachi tortured Sasuke twice
- Konan not destroying Nagato's Rinnegan
4) Continuity errors - Naruto failed the graduation three times, why isn't he older?
5) Logic plotholes - How did Lee pass the graduation exam
- Obito never going blind
- How did nobody figure out Naruto was Minato's son. Nobody freaking out because Naruto is an Uzumaki
- Yagura being genjutsu-ed despide being a perfect Jinchuriki
- Obito not kidnapping Naruto as a baby
- Why can't Naruto heal anymore
- Why didn't Naruto (or anyone else) train with Kage Bunshin from the beginning
- Sakura punching Kaguya
- Obito ending up in Madara's cave
Allright everybody, let's make this list
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2023.06.10 01:51 AutoModerator Here's To Watch Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Online For Free REDDiT
29 secs ago - Still Now Here Option’s to Downloading or watching Fast X streaming the full movie online for free. Do you like movies? If so, then you’ll love New Romance Movie: Fast X. This movie is one of the best in its genre. Fast X will be available to watch online on Netflix's very soon!
Watch Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Online For Free Watch Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Online For Free
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2023.06.10 01:48 AutoModerator Here's Where To Watch Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Online For Free Streaming On REDDiT
29 secs ago - Still Now Here Option’s to Downloading or watching Fast X streaming the full movie online for free. Do you like movies? If so, then you’ll love New Romance Movie: Fast X. This movie is one of the best in its genre. Fast X will be available to watch online on Netflix's very soon!
Watch Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Online For Free Now Is Fast X available to stream? Is watching Fast X on Disney Plus, HBO Max, Netflix, or Amazon Prime? Yes, we have found an authentic streaming option/service. A 1950s housewife living with her husband in a utopian experimental community begins to worry that his glamorous company could be hiding disturbing secrets. Showcase Cinema Warwick you'll want to make sure you're one of the first people to see it! So mark your calendars and get ready for a Fast X movie experience like never before. of our other Marvel movies available to watch online. We're sure you'll find something to your liking. Thanks for reading, and we'll see you soon! Fast X is available on our website for free streaming. Details on how you can watch Fast X for free throughout the year are described If you're a fan of the comics, you won't want to miss this one! The storyline follows Fast X as he tries to find his way home after being stranded on an alien Fast Xt. Fast X is definitely a Fast X movie you don't want to miss with stunning visuals and an action-packed plot! Plus, Fast X online streaming is available on our website. Fast X online is free, which includes streaming options such as 123movies, Reddit, or TV shows from HBO Max or Netflix! Fast X Release in the US Fast X hits theaters on January 20, 2023. Tickets to see the film at your local movie theater are available online here. The film is being released in a wide release so you can watch it in person.
Now Is Fast X available to stream? Is watching Fast X on Disney Plus, HBO Max, Netflix, or Amazon Prime? Yes, we have found an authentic streaming option/service. A 1950s housewife living with her husband in a utopian experimental community begins to worry that his glamorous company could be hiding disturbing secrets. Showcase Cinema Warwick you'll want to make sure you're one of the first people to see it! So mark your calendars and get ready for a Fast X movie experience like never before. of our other Marvel movies available to watch online. We're sure you'll find something to your liking. Thanks for reading, and we'll see you soon! Fast X is available on our website for free streaming. Details on how you can watch Fast X for free throughout the year are described If you're a fan of the comics, you won't want to miss this one! The storyline follows Fast X as he tries to find his way home after being stranded on an alien Fast Xt. Fast X is definitely a Fast X movie you don't want to miss with stunning visuals and an action-packed plot! Plus, Fast X online streaming is available on our website. Fast X online is free, which includes streaming options such as 123movies, Reddit, or TV shows from HBO Max or Netflix! Fast X Release in the US Fast X hits theaters on January 20, 2023. Tickets to see the film at your local movie theater are available online here. The film is being released in a wide release so you can watch it in person. How to Watch Fast X for Free?release on a platform that offers a free trial. Our readers to always pay for the content they wish to consume online and refrain from using illegal means. Where to Watch Fast X? There are currently no platforms that have the rights to Watch Fast X Movie Online.MAPPA has decided to air the movie only in theaters because it has been a huge success.The studio , on the other hand, does not wish to divert revenue Streaming the movie would only slash the profits, not increase them. As a result, no streaming services are authorized to offer Fast X Movie for free. The film would, however, very definitely be acquired by services like Funimation , Netflix, and Crunchyroll. As a last consideration, which of these outlets will likely distribute the film worldwide? Is Fast X on Netflix? The streaming giant has a massive catalog of television shows and movies, but it does not include 'Fast X.' We recommend our readers watch other dark fantasy films like 'The Witcher: Nightmare of the Wolf.' Is Fast X on Crunchyroll? Crunchyroll, along with Funimation, has acquired the rights to the film and will be responsible for its distribution in North America.Therefore, we recommend our readers to look for the movie on the streamer in the coming months. subscribers can also watch dark fantasy shows like 'Jujutsu Kaisen.' Is Fast X on Hulu? No, 'Fast X' is unavailable on Hulu. People who have a subscription to the platform can enjoy 'Afro Samurai Resurrection' or 'Ninja Scroll.' Is Fast X on Amazon Prime? Amazon Prime's current catalog does not include 'Fast X.' However, the film may eventually release on the platform as video-on-demand in the coming months.fantasy movies
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2023.06.10 01:10 Cardinal-Lad sleeprule
2023.06.10 00:08 StringfellowHawkes Her Card
I pulled her card from my lockbox today. I couldn’t bring myself to remove it from its wrapping though. I’ll explain the card in a little while. Even in just that briefest of moments though, the tears became too thick. I so wanted to see her name. Instead I decided to only go back to the memories. They bring enough tears. So I put the card back but need to tell my story of that memory. So thank you for your time in letting me indulge dear Reader. I know your time is precious and I am loquacious of a sort.
The place I used to work at a long, long time ago, Croc’s, was an odd duck. It was a Transformer of sorts. During the day and early evening it was a damn good Mexican restaurant. One of the best in town. Lunch was insane. Dinner was a respite. But on Friday, Saturdays, some Thursdays, and almost every holiday eve, it was… I don’t even have words. Nothing like what went on in those walls had been seen in Denver at the time. We had lines around blocks. The plural is not a mistake. On those nights, Croc’s was THE place to be in Denver. The owners got there before everyone else and had hit a jackpot with the place. The Rockies were starting over at Mile High and moving to LoDo soon. LoDo was booming and we were in the middle of it partying like no tomorrow every night.
But this isn’t about that amazing place, that’s for another day. Nope. This is about her, her son and I. Or rather, about loss and memories. But it all started at Croc’s and you needed to know what a breath of a moment in time we shared there. Not on one of those crazy nights but one lazy Sunday when we were pretty slow.
I mentioned the restaurant was an odd duck. See, it was designed so that from breakfast through dinner and into very early evening, it was a purposeful, full-fledged, extremely popular, and well reviewed dining establishment. But after that, it was designed so we could remove every table, chair, stool and booth. We essentially turned the whole restaurant into a giant dance floor with a bar that spanned half the distance of the long wall topped with massive tequila and booze pyramids. The wells were at either end with a plant potter behind them for storage. It was split level(ish) with a few VIP areas squirreled away. State of the art DJ booth on the south end of the bar. Oh and did I mention we had a 28 foot replica of a Nile croc suspended from the roof named “Hal”.
The owners were a group of friends who had grown up in the business. One of them was from the family that started Senior Frogs and the like down in Mexico. They had all met and worked at some of the hottest places in the state and been to some of the craziest places around the Americas. So when I say no one had seen anything like it, they hadn’t. We had a person that would blow tequila from a custom bong into a partier's mouth from 30 feet away. Our DJ’s were the best in town. We poached the absolute best in talent from every bar in a 4000 mile radius. That movie “Cocktail”? Yeah, that was this place on steroids. Hell, beside myself and 1 or 2 other guys, our security eventually turned into off duty SWAT cops. All these places around Denver and, hell, around the country you see now? Yeah these guys started it right there in LoDo.
It was the paper and crayons we would put on every table though where my memory begins.
There had been other places that had done what we did with the butcher block paper. It went on every table with crayons. It wasn’t the most innovative thing there but it was fun and the patrons enjoyed it. Many great artists out there! And of course the kids loved it. A lot of the folks who lived around there would bring their kids with them for lunch or dinner. I worked a lot of Sunday day shifts because a) everyone was hung over and never wanted to work and b) it was usually a nice bit of quiet after two nights that would make Caligula jealous. Plus the people who did come in were usually pretty cool and just out for a good meal. It was pretty chill after all that joyous chaos.
My section was usually the front lifted area just in front of the potters and a few tables in the middle. I was splitting with the other server that day since it was more dead than usual. A beautiful Colorado day back then. Blue sky with puffy clouds. Perfect temperature with no wind so the front doors to the small little patio were open. You could smell the flowers from across the street. The other server let me know she had sat a couple of people at one of my four tops. Sounded good so I headed out to say hello.
It was customary for us to write our name on the paper when we showed up. It was hokie but everyone loved it. It was our way of saying welcome and have fun! Some servers could do it upside down but I could never get the hang of that.
I headed down the bar toward the front, preoccupied with getting my marker out for the intro. I remember coming around the corner of the potter and just kind of coming to a juddering stop at the top step, tripping and almost falling on my face. Luckily she was a little preoccupied with her son and getting him situated so she missed seeing me make a gobsmacked fool out of myself.
I luckily regained what little balance I could alongside some composure quick enough to walk up and say hi. She said hi and then kind of waited. “Oh yeah dumbass” I said to myself as I told her, or rather flubbed, my name as I wrote it in the corner so they could read it right side up. She giggled a little bit as most people did with my nickname at the time. I hadn’t noticed but her son had been waiting the whole time for that moment. He grabbed his crayon and wrote his name and her name in front of them. “That’s a good name isn’t it?” I asked him. I told him it was the same as mine but the longer version. He was a little surprised by this as I went by “Scooter” back then. It took a second but he quickly realized it was a nickname. He had signed the long version of our name and said that’s what he liked. Right on man, you got it. Damn smart kid. You can tell, ya know?
After that briefest of moments, I shook myself a little and introduced myself for, I think the fourth time now. She tells me her name but it is instantly gone. Not only because of the effect this moment is having on me, but just because I am bad with names on the first go around. I don’t think we heard what either was saying anyway. Our eyes were locked and in that moment, it was all that mattered somehow. I can remember how deeply they shined. Her hair was a little damp and unkempt like someone in a hurry but has that respect for herself. Dark like her eyes but shining from the light outside. A simple blue/light purple and white striped shirt. Slightly damp around the shoulders. Worn jeans. Not the designer type but jeans aged with a good strong life. Blue canvas deck shoes with the white souls if I remember that part right. Maybe black canvas. I saw all this without ever breaking her gaze.
It was as if in the same moment we both realized we were in the same place together but not there alone. A moment later we both found ourselves apologizing for talking over the other. Sheepishly, like teens on their first date. Giggling a bit. Not knowing what was happening but knowing that something most definitely was. I apologized for the awkwardness and I think I cracked a joke or something but neither of us knew what to do. There was a calm panic and, I dare to say, a longing that was unknown?
It was her son who brought us both back to reality. He had asked if we had Coke or Pepsi. I shook myself internally again and told him we had Coke but could find some Pepsi if he really wanted it. Luckily he was not a Pepsi kid. I also told him that, yes, I would be happy to add a cherry to it. This time though when I met his eyes, I looked at myself when I was that age, as I answered that question. I hadn’t noticed it. Like a mirror as they say. Dark brown hair full of cowlicks. Round face with a big smile. Getting that cherry meant the world to him. I remembered that same feeling again through him. It was like looking at a version of myself I only saw in pictures.
At this very second in time I remember being terrified. Not “scared” terrified. It was more like, holy shite is this happening? What is going on? I wanted to turn and run and hide but somehow regained what little composure was left in that split second. I turned back to her and saw that she had just seen what I had seen. I could see wonder, joy, confusion, happiness, peace, thrill, fear and hope that I am sure were being reflected in my own eyes. We both needed a few minutes. We each could see it. It was overwhelming. Again, not a bad overwhelming but one of those moments where you need to put your hands on your knees and take some big, deep breaths.
The whole 3 or 4 minutes were surreal. And I will never forget them. I will fight as hard as I can to hold onto the others I have of both of them.
Somehow I managed to Charlie Chaplin myself away to get their drink order. I believe hers was a Sprite with a lemon. Normally I would go right around the corner of the plant potter and get the sodas from the guns there. Instead I went all the way to the back station. I needed to breathe. It seemed like an hour but I headed back. By this time the son was going to town. He had talent and it showed. It seemed like we had regained ourselves somewhat but the whole meal was kind of like an episode out of a teen comedy. We giggled, laughed, blushed, and did all the other things you would expect to see from two teenagers who discover they like each other. It wasn’t like I was trying to stay with them, or they tried to keep me there. It just kind of happened. I’d start to go away and she would ask me back for something simple. I would bring something I had forgotten in case they needed it. The whole meal went that way.
When they were done and ready to go, I was dreading it. Should I ask her out? She had mentioned she was single. It felt like I should ask her out. Like I said, the whole visit was surreal. There was no ring or even a suntan line of one (Don’t judge me, it was a different time). I wasn’t seeing anyone either. We seemed to get along amazingly, both her and her son. Even my fellow server noticed and was egging me on. It was obvious. Doing something like that with a client back then happened. Not usually in the first 30 seconds but you never know. I made up my mind to walk them out as I had no other tables and see what happened. I took the check to the table. She was packing her bag. I had gotten a refill for his togo cup and handed it to him. He said thank you and said he drew something for me. They had carefully torn it from the paper and he handed it to me. It was the three of us holding hands. How I held the tears then I do not know. I was a different person there at that precise point in time. At this moment those tears are here though.
I bent down to his level and thanked him sincerely. He said he was glad I liked it and he hugged me. I heard her try to stifle her gasp. Thank any or no gods or whoever for him. He let go, grabbed his Mom’s hand and said he was ready to go. As I stood up I could see tears welling in her eyes. He hadn’t done that to another man in, what she said, was a very long time she would tell me in a quiet voice as we started to walk toward the door. That was it. I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t even noticed that when we got to the big double doors, he had grabbed my hand. It just was there.
By this time I do not think either of us really knew what to do or what was going on. I mean, this was an impromptu outing to a place her son had liked because of the paper. It was a cheap and good lunch and then off to wherever for them and another table for me while I rolled silverware in the back or stocked the empty quicks from the previous night. But it seemed like it had been years together but only moments, if that makes sense? I certainly did not know what to do at this point. I think I mumbled what a delight it was to be able to spend time with them and I hoped they had enjoyed themselves or something like that. I honestly could not tell you. By this time she had regained herself somewhat. That girlishness turned into an elegance, beauty and strength that I had not seen before. But those same feelings exchanged in that momentary glance were still there. As was still a bit of moisture along the bottom of her eyes. We made a bit of small talk till he got a bit antsy and wanted to head off.
As we said our goodbyes that day, almost at the same time, we asked our questions. I asked if she would like to come by again soon with her son. His birthday was coming up I think and I could get the guys in back to make him something special. At least I think that was it. Her’s was if it would be ok if they came back soon. You know because the little guy liked drawing and the food. More childish giggling and laughing. And before she left she gave me her card and said to call if I was going to be working again on a Sunday or just whenever. As they walked together, hand in hand down and around the corner, I just stared at them and then the card over and over.
That very card I put back in a safe place tonight.
She was a designer as it turned out. I didn’t pry into her past as it sounded like it wasn’t all that great at times. She came by the restaurant a few more times after that. I then called once or twice to say hi and how they were doing and to let her know to come by. Eventually she asked me out. We spent some time together and it started to get a little more serious. She was a few years older but not by much. She was driven and forthright. Quick witted and compassionate. And such a good Mom with a massive heart. I was young then, somewhat good looking, fairly well paid and worked at the hottest spot in the state. And I had this woman I couldn’t get out of my head. Even my coworkers knew and could see what was going on whenever we were together. Either just the two of us or all three of us. Walking on clouds was an apt statement. At this point I want to point out that while I am no saint whatsoever, I do consider myself a decent person. At least I was back then and for the most part today. Things have changed as they always do but I digress.
Eventually the moment came. The serious date. She had a small but fantastic apartment downtown and wanted to make me dinner for once. I don’t think she was done asking before I said yes. We set a date for later that week. I remember it was a Saturday because me taking a night off from that place, with all its amazing moments each night to the amount of money you walked out with each night to leaving one of the other bouncers with one of the other guys he wasn’t used to, was a pretty big deal. Had to call in favors but everyone just said go. No one there batted an eye. They all seemed to know what a big deal this was somehow.
We set it for a little later in the evening so I could get things in proper working fashion up front of the house and then head over. Any of you who have worked in a restaurant know that smell you get. Kind of need to have worked in that environment to know I guess. So that night, I didn’t have time to head home then come back. So I had a change of clothes and a vanity bag so I could clean up in the back. Wouldn’t be the first time I got sprayed down by the dishwasher but probably a first for this reason. Cleaned up pretty well, freshly shaved and quaffed, walking so far above Cloud 9 I lost track of which one I was on. Headed out to put the work kit and bag in the truck. On the way out a few who knew what had been going on smiled or waved.
And off I went. I was a little late but she said she had expected it given the night of the week. Back then, downtown Denver was different. Colorado was different. I guess everywhere was different back then. But in this instance, I mean in an architectural way. You didn’t have the towers all around LoDo as you do now. From some rooftops you could still watch a sunset over the mountains. Say what you will, even I have to admit that a purple and orange sunset over the mountains is quite possibly the most beautiful natural thing I have seen. It is immense but oh so fleeting. Just like our lives I guess. You could still hear birds and bugs over cars at times. I wouldn’t say it was peaceful but it was at least calm?
She was lucky as her apartment, though smallish, came with a hidden bonus. Her window allowed her to access the roof on the next building. A part of it anyway. But this little slice of hidden wonder allowed a view down Market Street, across Spear, over Auraria and then the mountain view. It was stunning. Like the apartment, the space was just cozy enough for two to enjoy a little rooftop barbeque and dining. She gave me the quick tour and we poured some wine. She was going through the menu as we “headed outside”. The door was a small little window. I remember scratching my head and thinking I may not fit out there. She handled it with the grace of a ballerina and said I could do it. It took a minute or two but I contorted my clumsy self outside. And she was right. It was spectacular.
Not just the view but what she had done with her little corner of peace. She had talked with the building owner who agreed that she could use this space as he didn't even know about it. It was like something out of a commercial today. A nice little seating couch type niche. Well built trellis with some small Christmas lights for effect. A little brick grilling area with a hibachi going. I can still smell it. The table with candles and dinnerware. Decking. I was taken aback. The way it was situated insulated her from the sounds down below. You could hear them but it was almost like distant white noise. It was just peaceful. I remember remarking about this. She said she discovered it by accident when her son thought it might be a good play area.
Dinner was wonderful. The night went on. There wasn’t a sense of time. Just us there in that little part of the universe that was only hers. To this day I do not think I felt that safe before anywhere nor since. Someone was letting me into one of their most sacred spots. Literally and figuratively. I felt privileged. Almost as though I was treading somewhere I shouldn’t be. I think that thought was my downfall however. Don’t worry dear Reader, you will understand all that very soon. We watched that sunset. It was perfect. The right contrast of colors. Just the right amount of clouds to change those colors ever so slightly. A reminder of how something can change for the simplest of reasons.
As night grew darker it started to get cold. The goosebumps we were feeling on each other's skin holding hands and looking at the stars weren’t just from feelings. It was getting cool so we moved inside. After safely dousing the grill and making sure the coals were in their proper place, we cleaned up. Since it was easier, I stayed outside and handed them into the house to her. We figured it would be safer for the dishes. Giggled some more as we came to realize more and more things about each other at the same time. Finally the outside was clear. I stood outside for another minute to take in what was happening. I think that is then that little bit of fear weeded its way in without my realizing it. This was as close to perfect as I could ever dream I thought.
After squeezing back inside, assisted again but ok with that, we cleaned up the dishes and opened another bottle of wine. The inside was just as cozy. At some point she had lit some more candles and had some soft music going. Light jazz if I remember. Not loud at all. Again, there, just outside the periphery. Sitting on the couch I can feel her sitting next to me. We are close. Two people holding each other wanting to believe but not sure if this is real. There was almost a vibration. The constant goosebumps were not because of the cold anymore. Once we were both comfortable and we just talked. For hours and hours. There were the intimate moments but nothing scandalous. A tenuous kiss from one to the other.
We talked about what two people talk about who truly want to know the other. I believe we asked as many honest questions of ourselves as we did of the other. We really, truly, wholly wanted to know each other. And that is what we did. The more we talked the more comfortable we felt. Each of us had our scars that were not easily revealed. Nor did we reveal all of them that night and guarded them well. But we each wanted to know if the other was someone we could trust with those deepest places that we all hide in the darkest parts of our soul.
We talked a little about her son’s father but not in depth. It was easy to see that was one of the scars. We talked about her son. Why she was so astonished that first day. My heart wrenches this very moment dear Reader upon remembering that. Her hopes for him. His likes and his dislikes. Some of the stories parents tell others to embarrass their children later in life. We talked about what futures there could be not for us but for him and his world. He really was an amazing kid and I am sure has grown up to be someone she can be proud of. Time did not exist that night. Feelings and thoughts were exchanged that did not need to be said. We just knew each other that night.
We never did finish the second bottle if memory serves, we talked, laughed and sat together in peaceful comfort and gave no care about anything else. But tomorrow was coming as it always does and we had to leave each other. I remember the closeness as we held each other. The pressure of two bodies at that singular moment in time. That one instant that feels as though it could last through infinity. When two become one and feel the safety, love, compassion, trust and sameness that is rarely, if ever experienced.
Pardon me dear Reader but must ask a moment to compose myself. We are getting close to the end of my tale so also ask for just a bit more of your time. I know how so very precious it is. Thank you for allowing me to continue.
I do not know how long we held each other. To this day I wish it had been so much longer however. I do remember leaving. Working where I did, I was sadly but actively very familiar with many different levels and types of inebriation. That feeling that morning however was something that surpassed all that I had experienced in my life. I had never felt like this. I knew that the sun was starting to come up as I parked my car. I knew that I got through the door, downstairs and then fell asleep. I wasn’t drunk. It was pure. A pure love, happiness, joy and trust I had never felt from someone else. This feeling was so powerful it had knocked me for a loop that I just was not ready for.
I awoke later that day, thankful I didn’t have to work. It was late in the afternoon and I felt like I had been hit by a bus but didn’t care. I believe that the night before we both had excised many things that we had held inside for so long. I could (and can) still remember the whole night if not the words. I felt like one does after you give everything physically possible to something and have nothing left to give. But it felt right. Regardless of the ending, I do believe that, even though brief, that night, two people who had needed to find each other did. I think they needed to know that there was at least one person who understood, even if they hadn’t needed to actually say anything.
Now dear Reader I must ask you to remember that part about fear. Given my early life and life up to that point and to this day, I do find it very hard to trust. So this was something I had to confront. And so I started to. Instead of seeing what she saw in me, I saw the things I thought were ugly. I got scared that those scars would be peeled away and she would be repulsed. And these thoughts and fears grew. We still saw each other and talked for a while after that night. But my fear took over quickly. Before I knew it I had driven her away. There was no maliciousness about it. The thoughts that had ruled my life for so long before her and then after her, to this day, always got to the same thing. If you let her in, she will leave because of who you are. It was idiotic but it was ingrained at this point. I eventually told her I didn’t think it was going to work out. The truth was that I was scared. Scared to let her in. I hated myself for not being honest with her. She would have understood. Probably more than any other.
After that, I went on with my life as a young person does in that atmosphere. I saw her one time after that final talk. She waved as she and her son sat in a section away from mine. I waved back and remembered going out back and beating the hell out of our cooler there. I was so mad at myself then. While the anger passed as life threw one thing at me after another as it does until I find myself here today writing this, the pain of losing her has never healed. Nor do I want it to. That pain also brings memories that I so rarely experience anymore. I buried it for a long, long, long time but recently I find myself thinking about her and her son more and more. What would have been?
For you see dear Reader, that moment was my perfect chance. Not long ago in my life I was diagnosed with cancer. I eventually beat it but it has long since ruined my life. But that is not why I tell this tale. I ask for no sympathy. My life is where I am supposed to be. I have come to peace with that. To an extent I guess anyway. The reason it was my perfect chance is this. I was also diagnosed with a genetic defect which essentially makes me a cancer producer with no natural way to fight it. My mothers father died of colon and pancreatic cancer. My Mother has beaten 5 different bouts of cancer. I have been tested and confirmed. So if I had had a child, I would more than likely have passed that to them. After listening to what my mother watched her father go through. After watching my own Mother fight this monster 5 times and win each time. After all that I was horrified to learn that I could have passed this monster to someone I would have loved with all my heart.
I never married and never had a child. For most of my life I regretted that most of all to the point of shame. I am the last person in my familial lineage that will ever carry my name. My line dies with me. For the longest time that has been a great burden. However, after the geneticist confirmed me and a great deal of internal contemplation, with the aid of hindsight, part of me is glad that I never had a wife and child who would have to go through the horrors I have heard about, watched and gone through first hand and personally. That at least brings me a modicum of inner peace. Do not be fooled ever though. This monster is evil. It takes everything from all but the luckiest.
And I had my moment of perfect chance. Even though I did not know it at the time, I had an opportunity to spend the rest of my life with two someones who I truly believe to this day, loved me. Even if for so very briefly. I gave up the chance to be able to be a husband and care for someone I believe I loved and loved me. I had a chance to be the father I wanted to be without passing on my monster. To see a child grow into their best self. I get angry at times that I did this. Not necessarily my own selfish needs. I am also mad that this person trusted me and I couldn’t do the same in the end. That I let a child down who for his own reasons let me in when he shut others out. That we could have been the family we could have been. And I ran because I was scared. I can never forgive myself for doing that to them. This may sound selfish and perhaps it is but it is my history.
And now dear Reader we come to the end of my tale. Where it all began.
Her card.
I think you will understand why I put it away instead of taking it out after this. I mentioned that she was a designer. Her card is exquisite. I don’t need to see it to describe it. There is a silver cord ribbon wrapped around a waxed paper tied in a bow. It sparkles silver but is brittle after all the years. I can slide the card out carefully but don’t want to take a chance of damaging it. My hands aren’t the best anymore. The writing on the card is done with a most excellent penmanship in purple over white with black. The backing is white with the black used as border highlighting with purple as the border and main color. There is a bit of sparkle in one of the purples but not a garish amount. Just enough to catch the eye. The back is similar with details of her work at the time as well as some contact information. I don’t know if she did this on all of them, but there was a scent of her perfume that accompanied it for a while. It, like much else, has faded.
We all have a place to keep our most precious items. This one rarely leaves that place for me.
So in the really bad times dear Reader, I try to look at that card. I say try because it is very painful to try to do so. Today was one of those days and I wanted to share it. In the end I couldn’t get past the tears to look at it so returned it to its safety. Not really because of the pain. Believe me, the pain is there in vast amounts. But because of that first moment. I needed to remember what that feeling was like. I needed to remember what it is to look in another's eyes and see the whole universe and all its infinite possibilities. Some regrets, regardless of time, will always follow you. Be honest about that with yourself dear Reader. Today I needed to remember her and him. I needed that acceptance. That peace. That joy, That trust. That love.
This time however I needed to commit this to our history so that perhaps at least one other will read it and maybe it will impact somehow. This is not meant to be a moralistic tale. It is just a tale of love lost. A life that could have been different. I hope, dear Reader, that your life is filled with wonder and love. Do not miss a single chance in your life because of fear. Be cautious but be open. Your world is massive but also miniscule. The chances don’t happen often anymore so grab them and hold onto them when you can. Try to think of all possibilities and look through others' eyes. But most importantly. If you do find your perfect moment, do not let it go dear Reader. It may never come again.
That is the end of my tale. I thank you so much dear Reader. As I have said many times, your time is precious and I have taken enough. Safe journeys to you my friend.
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