Inside health nyu

(I wrote this poem about my experience with online grooming to help work through the inexplicable pain I felt. I continued on to compete in Speech and Debate with this piece and at this point just want a place to archive it. I hope it reaches someone who needs to hear it.)
[5 min read]
"It started around June 21st, 2021. Which means it's been just over a year, since I was groomed by an adult man. I stand here today to prove to no one but myself, that I can talk about this chapter of my life, and that it is okay to. I am here to be living proof that abuse doesn't mean the end. That you are never too far gone, and you're always worth loving. My abuse story will never look like someone elses, but it stands as an example to prove how some adults are able to manipulate children, even in seemingly passive ways. It took maybe seventeen months to realize the abuse I went through is valid, and worth sharing to help prevent others from making my same mistakes."
I was 16 And a dreamer wanna-be A blue bird in training I live in a beautiful golden cage, With food and water, And a key.
With everything I needed, Discontent reared her ugly head. Shallow hatred of the ways I'd speant my life Begging for something Of substance I didn't want money, or friends, I wanted to send a piece of myself away To trust a man To be grown up For someone To understand
I was 16 And a dreamer turned bird-clipping-its-own-wings Safety meant nothing to me My dreams were jungle palm And my self-hatred a machete
I would have loved to cut through To prove to everyone who knew What was the true center I was nothing, of what I presented- Not the beautiful palm Or crystal waves- I was the hatred The ugly The disinterested way I was Unhappy to be Who sent a piece of unhappy across the sea To a man who knew
I was 16 I still believed in Prince Charming So I gave him the key. I let him inside my cage And smiled and said, "See? We're meant to be! It's the perfect size, You can sleep there, And I'll keep the peace." This arrangement just so happened to be, That I kept things clean, While he turned beautiful words Against me.
I danced in the compliments Reveled in the sweetness of voice Because when given the choice I could not be happy with me
I, a child with tear wrought eyes, Sought sanctuary secretly inside This man's lies. Lies which qualmed the seas of Self hate quieted the jungle cats Who ate my insides Letting the world exacerbate My deteriorating brain
And when caught in that cage, Forced to face The intimacies of men There simply, was no escape.
Health class doesn't teach you How thoes images scar The cage tightened around me Like a dinosaur in tar, Forcing me to confront What my mind couldn't spar-
I told myself "I am 16, This is normal Girls and guys get less formal After less time then this."
So I stayed. I cut my own damn wings Because It seemed Men would only want me For breast For thigh To cast my eye upon him And do as he pleased
I was his, entirely But he was nothing for me. Nothing but vocal chords echoing Through my body Picking out my insecurities With tweezers to keep me tethered. He told me everything I wanted to hear, Sending soft smiles Through my ears While remaining That I was gaining Around the waist
So to compensate I scraped wing and bone Clip off what was me Suck in Pinch sides Cling to his words Listen to lies Roll back your eyes His sweet sighs Comply His noble arrogant pride Comply comply
I was 16 And believed the problem was me If I cried, I was weak If I said no, I was the creep I begged for sleep And got scolded for Trying to leave
I was 16 And learned Prince Charming was a jerk. He didn't care if I said no He only cared that it hurt!
Though feathers regrow And no scars can be seen Inside my golden cage I scream
He never touched me. Still I shrink from any man's company Compliments are manipulation Smiles see right through me Imaginary scenes of the empty threats you sewed to me Haunt my waking hours And devastate any of my dreams This man never picked the lock, I gave him the fucking key
I was only 16 and a year between is nothing to me Now showing my friends My clipped wings Begging for their sympathy That they will let the past be And understand 16 year old me Doesn't want to be seen
I am damaged. A Little girl has seen things she never wanted to see. I spent time after trying to Reclaim the old me. Give me a reason Not to end All my relationships with men Before the age of 10 Because then, there was purity. Sweetness in the eye of she who see Men as a saftey net. And not as an open threat
I'm only sharing, out of necessity Because he shared everything with me A pass time that became blackmail To personal items on the paleness of my body
My brain keeps ping-ponging between He loves me He loves me not How can I stop? Attentions addicting Cocaine to the brain Of the beat up and lonley The 16 year old bird With only one melody, "I mean nothing in the eyes of society Because no one recognizes when there's grooming"
A fact that has been growing ever since My sense of self worth, My passion in life, My body, my secrets, my cries, All of it no longer mine
I sent that piece of myself away All to say, "I loved a man once. See how grown I am? He chose me over all the other little girls. There was passion in all that he touched He touched me- My heart I mean. He treated me like a woman And threatened me just the same."
You know there was pride In the way he cried I was "opening up." Like exposing my body Was something to be copied
And of course... Once was never enough And if I ever said no, God help the soul, He said he'd take it from me anyway Would travel states, Drive night and day, To claim and rape me
I was 16 And it was summer break
Of course when I explained The things he claimed Scared me, Suddenly- It was all a silly little fib.
Now you stare me in the eyes And explain to me How a glorified rape joke- Was funny
The terror it instilled In a still-growing teen And how how I laughed and sighed And agreed- It was funny.
Of course, it never really was
I wish I remember how it ended. I'd like to say I blew up And he surrendered And admitted to his Abuse of power- But.. no. I'm sure I just said, "I have to go" And never looked back At what I used to call home
I still live with the effect, The names he used to say, The way he'd make me behave Especially how he had trained my brain To think that shit Was normal.
But everyday I realize The same stupid thing: Nothing about my past Is ever going to change.
I can cry Scream Rearrange every dream Fix every seam- But even blue birds clip their wings, Occasionally
Though feathers regrow, And no scars can be seen, Now inside my golden cage- I can sing

All hail our daddy, here’s the enneagram within the context of the first two movies ~ keep in mind there are varying degrees of health ~ lmk who you agree/disagree with
Fiona’s dad - 1 - ultimately follows his own morals even if it costs him
Fairy godmother - 2 - seemingly does things for others but actually for her own desire to be needed
Prince Charming - 3 - doesn’t care who he is only about his ideal image
Fiona - 4 - thinks no one will accept the monster inside
Gingerbread man - 5 - never seen only rumored of, incredible niche skill
Dragon - 6 - loyal to those whom she loves, ride or die
Donkey - 7 - sees the bright side and willing to go on an adventure with a stranger
Shrek - 8 - scary exterior, cinnamon roll heart - underneath his onion layers
Giant Gingey - 9 - just wants to vibe till he’s pushed to a murderous rampage

I was forced to switched careers last year. Luckily, I have good recommendations from different people hanggang sa nirecruit ako ng isang company na ito ng Presidente mismo. Tinayaan ko na rin but I feel like I can go anytime I want if hindi ko talaga gusto yung industry. The company president assigned me to this business manager, a FilChi. Same age lang kami halos. Smart pero rude at may Anger Issues. Isip bata pero 30+ na! The President instructed me na intindihin si FilChi Manager and help bridge him to other employees.
People described us as polar opposites. Bilang feeling ko, wala naman mawawala sa akin sa industriyang ito, I was brave enough to confront him. Surprisingly, nakinig siya sa rants ko at nag-open up siya sa akin, sa childhood trauma niya and how his Chinese parents made him feel inept. Typical Chinese Nerd kid ‘to na kinulong sa bahay, ‘di pinayagan magkaroon ng social life growing up and pinaniwala na kailangan niyang maging MAGALING palagi kahit nakakasagasa na siya. So ako naman na may EQ, kahit napakasama ng ugali, inintindi ko siya kasi he’s like a kid at heart. Hindi siya pinalaki nang maayos ng cold chinese parents niya dahil busy sa business so na-neglect yung social skills and GMRC niya. Nasanay na lang sya na people adjust to him pero I can see that impulsive lang siya and deep inside, he has a good heart. Iyon lang, since hindi siya marunong mag-process ng feelings, ‘pag may issues sa work, ako yung nagiging emotional punching bag niya. Kahit anong effort ko maging affectionate, caring, sweet to the point na parang inassign lang ako dito para maging WORK YAYA niya, ang insensitive pa rin niya sa mga words niya. Yung mga positive/encouraging messages ko, seen lang. Hinahayaan ko na lang kasi alam ko maganda intention ko and I learned to love him (not romantically because hello, great wall).
Palagi pa rin kami nag-aaway, papangaralan ko siya, babait siya for a while then mang-aaway uli. Bumait lang siya ng super tagal because I was ready to leave and natatakot sya na yung resignation ko will affect his promotion. Na sinabi ng company President na umaalis lang daw ang isa tao dahil sa BOSS.
Recently, may family trip (cruise ship) siya na need niya mag-leave for weeks kahit ayaw daw niya pero hindi pwedeng ‘di siya sumama. Sinabi ko na lang in a series of positive messages na i-enjoy na lang niya kasi wala naman sya magagawa, ‘di siya makakatrabaho at wala syang internet doon at mag-recharge na lang sya. Nagalit siya sa word na “Enjoy”, na nakasalalay daw sa kanya yung salaries ng mga tao sa opisina so may mga deadlines siya so tigilan ko raw kakaisip na mag-enjoy siya. Sumagot na lang ako ng “Sorry” kahit na wala naman ako masamang intention.
Grabe na siguro yung tolerance na binigay ko sa kanya na namimihasa na siyang awayin ako. The company president told me I was a positive stimulus for him, na somehow, I helped him changed (bumait bait na raw sya sa lagay na yan) pero hindi niya tinutulungan sarili niya. Napapagod na ako sa privileges ng mga taong may generational wealth. I don’t want to invalidate his struggles pero pucha, nangigigil ako na ang tanda tanda na niya but he can’t stand up with his parents? Or mag-isip kung tama pa ba ginagawa niya? I hate his Chinese parents too because they were able to take care of their business at nagpakayaman but they failed to take care of their son who is obviously struggling with his mental health because of their unrealistic expectations. Parang kami pang mga mature sa opisina ang magpapalaki at magtuturo sa taong ito ng Good Manners and Right Conduct?
At kahit rude siya sa akin, natutunan ko siyang mahalin at natatakot ako na baka anong gawin niyang masama sa sarili niya ‘pag hindi niya na kinaya yung pressure sa work at sa pamilya. Hindi ko alam if mabait nga ba ako or tanga lang na pinoproblema ko ang problema niya kahit madalas ang sama ng trato niya sa akin.

I have so many mental health symptoms but also migraines night sweats that are terrible. Read about seizures and wonder if i can have night ones without knowing or showing? I tend to zone out a lot but more like i’m too much inside my head. I also have all these pin and needles and tingling and itchiness. Sometimes busts of being too agonyzed for no reason, nauseous etc. Sometimes shaking and with random body twitches but they are like one only, not for long time. Wondering if it’s possible to be related to epilepsy

My aunt got diagnosed with I can't remember the name but I know it's a hormonal cancer that's been growing since her 20's and she's now in her 40's. It's spread all throughout her abdominal area.She has been through a roougghh time. I think she's almost died 4 times in the past year and a half. Lots of hospital visits, always on oxy for pain, barely able to eat, lost a ton of weight, can't get out anymore and live. It's horrible. Luckily her treatments are working and it's stopping her cancer from growing.
My relationship with her has basically been non existent because when I was 3 years old family drama went down she tried to adopt a baby because she couldn't have kids (probably from the cancer growing) and someone in my family said she wasn't a good fit to be a mother to the adoption agency honestly I don't see why she's an amazing person. But nobody would confess and she and my uncle moved away. I think I got to see my uncle maybe every 1-2 years, she wouldn't visit though. But sometime in 2018 both of them came up and I got to visit with them. I hadn't seen her since I was 3 then I was 20 and I knew she was my aunt but I had a hard time connecting because I'm terrible at social interaction lol. Then the next time I see her I'm 23 when I go to visit her and my uncle with my grandma to visit and help her out with the cancer.
Things didn't really go as planned like my grandma had wanted, we were basically just in their way. We thought we'd go and help out while my uncle was working but his job didn't have any work for him when he decided to go back. It had been a whole month that he'd gotten anything and they were worried they'd have to move and he'd have to get a new job. I didn't have a great time when I was there either, I deal with a long list of health issues myself and they were in full swing during the visit. One of those was the worst period of my life, I think being at higher elevation was making it bad. I was extremely tired, lost alot of blood, horrible cramps that made me almost pass out, muscle soreness, brain fog, depression, etc. It wasn't fun. Not only was that going on but my grandma was being horrible to me. As much as I appreciated her bringing me with her and paying for everything and obviously unconditionally love her, she's a narcissist. The whole trip as soon as a showed an inch of joy she got mad that I was having a good time and started bullying me, controlling everything I did like wouldn't let me eat in the car when I had a migraine and needed food, not letting me go the places I wanted to, telling me I couldn't watch shows with cuss words in it (as a 23yr old lmao), constantly telling me I was like my mom who she hates and telling me I was being dramatic and lazy like her. Telling me my aunt and uncle didn't want to see the things I was interested in showing them which was a lie, lied to me multiple times about her conversations with my aunt and uncle to try to guilt trip me into feeling bad about any movement I made. I wasn't in the best mood when I was visiting them. But here's the thing, I enjoyed the fuck out of my time with my aunt and uncle.
They are great people, and really made me feel welcomed. I got some one on one time with my uncle the most instead of my aunt. Him and I got to bond a few times when going to run errands, he got emotional and said I was his daughter, had a few deep talks about rough times they've gone through and he expressed how much he loves my aunt, got to hang out while he was working on his car. I didn't get much of that with my aunt and it makes me sad. I wanted to connect with her but my grandma was around her all the time and wasn't letting me be myself or else she'd use it as ammo against me. We watched tv together, had a few talks (with my grandma there), and my uncle, aunt, grandma, and I went to a national monument together. We didn't get to bond or have a connecting moment and it's eating me up inside. I want to send them a note each separately telling them one I appreciated them having me over, how much I enjoyed my time with them, how nice it was seeing their love for one another, and how much I felt welcomed and loved by them. I just don't know how to make the note personal to my aunt since we didn't get those connecting moments.
I also want to talk with them over the phone more I just don't know how to. One reason being I feel like my grandma talked bad about me to them and how I was acting and I'm afraid they see me different for who I am, and from what was said about me because this was really a first true impression. And second is I don't know how to talk to them especially around the cancer. Usually when you talk to people you ask how's life been, what've you been doing, etc. I know what they've been doing going through a rough freaking time. And I don't know if they want to talk about that. I also haven't been having much eventful things happening in my life with my health issues and living in a bad situation, I don't want to dump bad stuff going on with me to them.
What should I write to my aunt in my note since I didn't get the connection with her like I did with my uncle? And how should I go about talking with them over the phone? Do I not bring up the cancer at all or do I? And how should I let them know I enjoyed my time with them without bringing up my grandma. Thanks for reading <3.

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I wanted to share my experience partly to see if there is any precaution I am missing regarding my smoke exposure and partly to commiserate with others who did the same thing I did since I haven't seen that many posts about it.
I had multiple windows open until about 3pm on the worst day of Philly's air quality warnings, and all through the night before. I was inside the whole time - my neighbors have a fire pit and I thoughtlessly assumed the smoke smell was from that. Once I realized what was happening, I closed all the windows, turned on all the fans, and went to a neighbor's apartment across the hall in the building. Immediately ordered a HEPA air purifier, and found another place to sleep for the next two nights.
In the middle all of this, I was extremely frustrated by how I couldn't quickly find public guidance about what to do /afte the smoke is in your home - mind you while you're in it and it's much worse to go outside. I felt I had to act fast but there was no easy guide I could find on what to do.
Two days later (today), my air purifier has arrived. I placed it in both my living room and bedroom for a couple hours each, and immediately got "Very Good" air ratings. I wonder how this is possible given that there's been no circulation in the building - I'm guessing particles and carbon monoxide dissipate over time (it's been 48 hours)?
Long story short my lungs still hurt from the exposure. Will I worsen my exposure if I sleep in my place tonight (again, purifier is reading "Very Good" but not sure if there's some aspect I'm missing)? Should I clean all my surfaces while masked? Do I gotta change all the sheets? Any long-term health effects I should watch out for?
Thanks for reading. Will certainly be paying closer attention to omens of environmental disaster in the sky going forward...

Although we're not shooting for a while, I'm on the hunt for an office location that might appear to be a Psychologist or Doctor's office, although not necessarily clinical. The scene takes place inside a VA building, but we only need the office itself, although a relatively generic/drab hallway leading to the office would be a bonus. Since it's supposed to be the VA, it shouldn't be fancy or overly decorated or look like a business or house.
It would be shot either on a Saturday or Sunday when the location isn't under regular use. There would be roughly 10-15 cast/crew on site and would only be needed for a few hours. Only one scene would be shot there.
If you're aware of anything that may work, please let me know.
For awareness, the film is about a disabled Veteran who gets an unexpected mental health diagnosis and spirals downward after hearing the news. There are no sexual references or situations in the script, nothing about religion, and no violence. It does have a few "4-letter words" but they are not used frivolously, and are necessary to the context of the story. There are no opinions or political leanings relayed in the film. It really is just the story about one guy's experience.
Any leads would be appreciated. I approached one of the larger churches near where I live and they refused because it wasn't anything that served their purpose and I anticipate any church having the same requirements, so please no recommendations for churches.

An essay by M. S. Mcleod (look I can do it too)
Re: J.K. Rowling, Fascist Who Must Be Named
JK Rowling and all the other fascists grow increasingly emboldened. The plot thickens, and the bad news is we've all read this damn, horrid book before!
Fascists are using trans people as their new scapegoat. That is where we stand today. It's easy to disseminate disinformation about a minority group who has less access to social power, who doesn't yet have a voice equal to their straight, cis counterparts. Actually - They are the best group to pick on, nobody will believe what they say about themselves! You, the majority, get to dominate the conversation about them. So get to it: Talk about the Wicked Transes.
Spoiler for those we haven't yet read the Fascism Chronicles: If an ENTIRE GROUP is decided to be wicked, whose wicked ways should be eradicated...that should set your warning bells off. It sets a dehumanizing precedent. If you can tolerate those words it is not too far a jump to "These wicked people with their wicked ways should be eradicated! ALL IN THE NAME OF PROTECTING THE GOOD AND PURE! Do you support the pure and despise the wicked? Then do as I say." No entire group is a monolith; Entirely wicked or entirely pure. Human beings contain multitudes, and more and more we are getting specific and granular with how we express and identify ourselves. We've got new words and new haircuts, ya'll. We can alter our faces and genitals if we so choose, what a time to be alive!
Cisgender and heterosexual people were already primed to be afraid of LGBTQIA+ people. Many of them may not know a trans person. They may not understand what it is like to be LGBTQ (which I will shorten to the Q, queer) or even what queer language means. Queer families sometimes look and live very differently from cis-het families. Not always though. And that is cool too. I am a queer woman. I used to call myself lesbian because I thought you had to pick between gay or straight. I used to wear baseball caps, boxers, and cologne because I loved "boy stuff" sometimes more than I loved girl stuff. I thought it meant I had to be a boy. I don't have to pick. Neither do you. You can if you want to, but you don't have to. The culture is changing rapidly. Different? Weird. New? Scary. Becoming exponentially more common??? Dangerous. Anxiety is the most contagious emotion!
The thought of gender liberation can be destabilizing for binary absolutists. Most people have at least one bad memory, or some sort of trauma, from trying to step outside the box of their gender. "THERE ARE ONLY TWO GENDERS! AND BOYS CAN'T DO THAT!" First of all, stop yelling and take a deep breath. I'm not going to hurt you like your parents did. Like the schoolyard bullies did. Like your employer did. 🥺💝 Second of all, we made gender up: Acrylic nails, baseball caps, flannel shirts, and stiletto heels are not naturally occurring. We make that stuff. It makes us happy. It has meaning to us.
The fabrics and adornments other humans decorate their bodies & homes with don't hurt your body or your home. Kevin: your grey T-shirt from Kohl's, your New Balance sneakers, your bald head or your missionary sex you have at the foot of the bed every 12-16 weeks doesn't scare or hurt me at all. As long as you're happy, as long as no one is being harmed, I'm happy too. I would never dream of interfering with your autonomy & authenticity. Live your best life, Kevin!
And let's be clear: Sarah's rhinoplasty is her decision and it doesn't hurt you. Fatima's breast reduction is her decision and it doesn't hurt you. Jim's hormone replacement therapy is between him and his doctor and doesn't hurt you. If Jim has low testosterone for his age and chooses hormones, why do you need to know that? If Jim has gender dysphoria and chooses hormones, why do you need to know that? You don't need to know, much less play a part in that decision. And the government has no right whatsoever. Nobody has a right to hurt and control you. Your body belongs to you alone.
All people, including Queer people, deserve liberation from silence, violence, secrecy and shame. Our bodies are not a threat to you. We deserve to live authentically just like you do. We are just different, not dangerous. There are so many different and beautiful ways to be a human.
🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🌈💖💐✊🏾🌷
Now, fascists pass laws to further marginalize & control trans people. They aim to take away our bodily autonomy and dehumanize us. What should be between us, our families, and our doctors is now up for debate by the government who don't have accurate information about our healthcare (and they don't care about our health)! If you have doubts about how dangerous this movement is, read some of the anti-trans discourse (I can share some screen captures below if you ask me to), and replace the word trans with jew.
This movement is NOT about protecting women, children and poor, poor athletes from "predatory trans people" - Fascists are recycling the same old tactics of fear, propaganda, and scapegoating to grow & consolidate their power. Hook, line, and sink Her.
Globally, fascists (including our lawmakers and the press/media/news) are targeting LGBTQ people, immigrants, people of color, women, and religious minorities. These "leaders" want to exploit your emotions, and wield your fear and hate as their weapon. They don't give a flying fuck about protecting children from abuse. Many of them are abusers themselves, or they often protect & serve the agenda of abusers. Grab. Her. By. The. Pussy. GRAB HIM BY THE BALLS AND THROW HIM IN PRISON, HE IS A PREDATOR AND ABUSER! 😭 Minority groups are not our enemy. 💔 Statistically, they're most likely to be the targets of abuse.
Violent, malicious, wanton greed is the enemy. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated by their tactics. They don't give a fuck about you at all, so don't fall for it. Your support is nothing more than a dollar in their pocket.
Support democracy. Democracy is our power. If we stand together, cisgender, transgender, straight, queeLGBTQ, white, black, indigenous, every single person - We outnumber the fascists. We can create a beautiful world for everyone, and actually punish people who aim to do harm to our beautiful society. Our beautiful, diverse human race. We built this shit. Let's keep going. Let's make it better. But like, actually. Make America Never Have To Fight Fascism Again. We already did that, and now the call is coming from inside the house. MANHTFFA.
Love, protect, and advocate for beautiful transgender lives. Sexual & gender liberation is not a threat to you or your family's health. Fascism IS.

I, F20, was a heavyset girl for much of my life. I grew up in a family where healthy eating habits were not practiced and I watched my mom specifically use food as a coping mechanism.
I do deal with a multitude of mental health issues including depression, and from watching that growing up, I also learned to choose emotional eating. This got extremely worse throughout the duration of the 2020 lockdowns. Boredom eating, depression eating, etc. By early 2022, my highest weight was around 240lbs.
In September of last year, for whatever reason, something snapped inside of me and I subconsciously began making better, healthier choices with my diet. I loved seeing myself thinner and so I continued to then make conscious decisions regarding my diet. I lost about 50-60lbs from that alone.
I am now down over 70lbs since last September and while you can do the math and know that I am still overweight clinically, just know that I am now consistently working out, about 5 out of 7 days a week or even 6 when I can, and every calorie is monitored with very few crappy foods making an appearance in my diet.
Now for the confession: Because of my weight loss, I am starting to develop a bit of a disgust for, specifically, obese people. I see how easy it was for someone as mentally deranged and lazy as myself to shed 70lbs in the time that I did and I have begun to wonder why can't these people? I am by no means wealthy, I am a college student who works part-time and definitely fall into a very low tax bracket if you get the idea. It's about control and discipline and quite simply getting off of your ass. I gave up the victim mentality and the body-positivity thing and realized I needed to make a change and I feel better than ever both mentally and physically. Hate me if you want, do whatever. I just wanted to get this out.

Not to be morbid but let's be morbid.
I was thinking of Life by Jen and the similarities of the two- Jen was selfish and made her mom literally crawl to her, Amber didn't care about any pain exes were going through physically or emotionally and demanded they cater to her. Both claim to diet. You could argue one is more problematic but the major similarity is they're both obese. All it took was a major health crisis and once Jen was in the hospital, she looked seriously ill. She tried to convince her audience she was getting better and then she died.
Amber is looking the worst I've ever seen. In gaycare she was huge but she had some color to her skin, but now she literally looks gray. She appears to have aged 20 years in just the last 3 or 4. She's lost so many teeth! We don't see her without clothes but if her arms covered in scabs and her greasy hair and graying skin are any indication of what Wipey sees when they supposedly have sex, it cannot be good. Girl has had or claims to have had cancer.
Does she just not realize being 550 lbs is killing her? Yeah she's getting what she wants- she sits on her ass all day acting better than everyone else, eating fast food and buying partners but she's decaying from the inside out. Maybe it's the narcissistic delusion that prevents her from taking it seriously.

Age: 15 years
Sex/Neuter status: Neutered male
Breed: Domestic shorthaitabby
Body weight: > 11 lbs
History: Fostered bottle baby, my family has had him since he was a kitten, no prior health concerns
Clinical signs: Lowered ear, scratching
Duration: Showed symptoms briefly on Monday (6/5) and for the past 30-40 minutes
Your general location: Philadelphia
We took our cat to the vet yesterday for a few odd symptoms (litter box habits changed, vomited a few times this week) and he received an exam, urinary analysis, and blood tests.
We haven’t received any results back yet, but the vet seemed confident he was fine aside from arthritis (the cause of his litter box accidents, we got him a new, larger box right after the appointment and the issue has resolved so far) and maybe early kidney disease. Unfortunately, while I was there I completely forgot about his ear on Monday. When he woke up from a nap he was holding his right ear flat to the side, but this stopped after 5 minutes so I wasn’t too concerned. However, he woke up from another nap today doing the same, although this has continued much longer. I checked inside his ear and saw nothing noticeably wrong. I don’t believe the vet checked his ears yesterday but I could be forgetting.
Is this concerning enough to take him to an Eurgent care, or can I wait until I can call the vet tomorrow morning? He gets very stressed out in cars so I really want to avoid that if necessary. Is this an issue that could maybe be handled via telehealth?

I saw this post with this quote written on it a couple of years ago and I couldn’t have liked it any more if I tried. I saw it the other day in my phone and it inspired me to write this post.
Before I started any kind of meditation or mindfulness, I was all over the place. After a lifetime of not knowing how to process or heal my experiences in life, I had slowly gotten to a point where my mental and physical health was beyond bad. I experienced some of my lowest of lows and I’m quite sure that at that time I would have been told by just about any doctor that I had:
* An Anxiety Disorder
* Depression
* Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
* An Eating disorder
* ADHD
* Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
I had spent a lifetime dealing with everything on my own, not feeling like I could let anyone in, nor having the tools or resources to be healthy and thrive. I had no idea the impact that this could have on a person or the chronic stress that my body was under as a result.
I hadn’t understood that it was the reason I couldn’t read a page of a book without getting distracted, why I was losing my memory, why I always had to be 10 minutes early everywhere I went or why I felt like I needed to have everything done right now. I was so focused on getting things done that I was living the next moment before I had even left this one. I wasn’t sleeping, was drinking copious amounts of coffee to compensate and drank more alcohol than I would like to admit. I had issues with my digestion, my skin would flare up and I experienced debilitating panic attacks that left me feeling terrified inside.
Starting to apply mindfulness and meditation changed my entire life. It naturally allowed my nervous system to heal and when it was at peace, it finally made me realise how I actually should have been feeling all along.
Meditation allowed me to see all the ways that my symptoms would come to the surface, and all the ways I would get trapped by them. It allowed me to have the awareness to see where things were actually coming from, and to have the patience and confidence to process and work through them. It allowed me the chance to finally read a book and to focus on one thing at a time. It allowed me to be accepting….of myself, of others, and of how things really are. It has allowed me to develop deep inner peace and to see that there is actually no good or bad in what I feel.
Most importantly, it allowed me to see that there was nothing wrong with me and that nothing needed to be fixed. It made me realise that when I change the way I saw myself, I was capable of doing far more than I ever imagined.
I hope this helps :)

Today has been interesting. It started in shambles as I had drank the night previously. God of course stole my vape and sandwich but moved my wallet to inside my drawers. This left me feeling like shit, but the kind worker at the behavioral health center gave me theirs and said some synchronous stuff about personal responsibility that let me know he was in on the ruse.
Then I sleep off the rest before being straight up told I need to get moving by some cross-talking. I don't have a plan, so I look in the resource booklet and find a new place that's serving food at that time.
Well, they're apparently open only on Mondays and Thursdays. Drats. But wait, this was all planned too! As I'm walking back, I see John and meet his girlfriend and his other friend. We get talking and they lay out my mission for the rest of the day. I then leave when a synchronicity told me to.
Nothing goes according to plan. I was supposed to get a sleeping bag, and find some storage. Fortunately for me, the CIA sent an agent named Barb to be exactly on my route. She sells me a sleeping bag for cheap before showing me a free storage place right down the way. And while she's doing that, she starts teasing and flirting with me. Like, not traditional flirting, but a kind that let me know it was part of my healing. She was another agent sent to protect and program me.
That was…nice, but still put me in a state of unease. I trust she was with God, but my reptilian brain was sending up signals of her trying to take advantage of me. It's weird living in two separate realities at the same time. I don't know which is which. But that's ok because I have faith. My faith drives me and keeps me strong. Even if the worst case scenario comes true, I know God will carry me through it. And that's how I survive in this unforgiving world.
I don't know what to think about all that. And just as I wrote that, Jacob shows up once again for a synchronous moment to end all moments.

On July 14, 1976, 42-year-old John Grey, a courier for Indianapolis, Indiana’s Bankers Dispatch Corporation, made an unexpected and startling discovery during his route. At 9:30am, John turned down a secluded lane just off of Spring Mill Road in nearby Carmel, Indiana to relieve himself when something caught his eye. Lying in a wooded area approximately 40 feet off of the road, John saw what initially appeared to be a roll of opaque plastic. However, upon closer inspection he noticed a pair of feet slightly protruding from one end. Using his car’s radio, John notified his dispatcher who in turn, contacted police.
The unidentified person was found just northeast of the intersection of West 116th street and Spring Mill Road in a small densely wooded area. A sparsely populated area at the time, the only residence nearby was an abandoned farm. The unidentified body, found wrapped in several layers of thick construction grade plastic and tied with three electrical cords, was taken to a nearby Noblesville, Indiana hospital for autopsy.
Beneath the plastic “shroud,” was the severely decomposed body of a young man estimated to be in his early 20s. He was completely nude and wore no jewelry. The autopsy revealed that he suffered a blow to the head that had caused a bruise on his skull, however the injury was not severe enough to cause death. No other injuries were found. While the hospital’s pathologist awaited the results of a toxicology test, police set out to learn the identity of the unknown victim, who for “health reasons,” was quickly buried in a Carmel cemetery.
Three days later, the body was identified through dental records as 22-year-old Michael Dean Riley, a psychology student at Muncie, Indiana’s Ball State University. Michael had been reported missing by Ball State University staff on July 9th after he failed to attend the start of his summer classes. Police learned on July 2nd, Michael had finished his shift at the United Consumers Club then caught a ride home from a fellow employee. After changing clothes, the employee dropped Michael off along Interstate 69. Michael then hitchhiked to a friend's home in Indianapolis.
According to the unnamed friend, Michael stayed at his house that evening and the following night. On the night of the 4th, the pair attended a Fourth of July party together. Michael supposedly left the party on foot, presumably to hitchhike back to his Muncie home. After that, Michael dropped out of sight until the discovery of his body 10 days later.
Several witnesses came forward claiming they had smelled a strong odor in the area for several days. They had, however, written the smell off as nothing more than a dead animal. Another person told investigators they had seen an older car parked near the lane about a week prior. According to the witness, two men were inside the vehicle. One got out, opened the trunk, and took something into the woods before emerging a short time later.
When the toxicology results became available, it was determined that Michael had overdosed. Alcohol, along with a large quantity of Doriden, a sleep aid normally given to people with insomnia, was found in Michael’s bloodstream. It was estimated he had consumed between 10 to 13 1mg tablets of the medication.
Michael excelled academically and was considered a model student at Ball State. He had no disciplinary problems, and had never been arrested. Though Michael was known to occasionally drink, acquaintances denied having ever witnessed Michael consume drugs of any kind.
Michael had gotten married two years prior to a woman named Rebecca, however I could find no additional information about their relationship. Michael’s father had passed away in 1960. His mother, Mary, and stepfather, Forrest, lived in Florida at the time of his death, however returned to Indiana for a short time during the investigation. After Michael’s body was exhumed and moved to a cemetery in West Lebanon, Indiana, the pair returned to their home in Florida.
The investigation into Michael’s death continued for a short time. However despite conflicting stories from party goers that evening, no arrests were made. Michael’s case was eventually taken before a grand jury. The final report read in part;
“After interrogating some 17 or 18 witnesses, it is the consensus of the grand jury that Riley died of an overdose of drugs, either self-induced, accidentally taken, or by a prank played on him. The jury concludes that because of the drug use going on among the deceased associates an election was made for disposal of the body……someone thus conceived the plan to mysteriously dispose of the body in a secluded place. There is little doubt assistance was required in ‘packaging’ the body.”
The report concluded by determining that because the drug use had occurred in Indianapolis, the case would be turned over to the Indianapolis Police Department for further investigation. Unfortunately, no suspects were ever named and no arrests ever came.
The murder of Michael Dean Riley remains unsolved.
Sources
Photos, Death Certificate, Clippings- https://imgur.com/a/e6kVcrW
Find A Grave Michael- https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/27606213/michael-dean-riley
Find A Grave Mary (Michael’s mom)- https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/150471518/mary-elizabeth-scott
Find A Grave Forrest (Michael’s Step Dad)- https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/150471485/forrest-lavern-scott
Find A Grave- Virgil (Michael’s Dad)- https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/27606245/virgil-d-riley

Greetings Builders, Devs, Base Destroyers, Planetmans/Womans Of Planetside 2
I will try to keep this as simple and easy to read as possible. To summarize, I have spent an excessive amount of time testing every construction object on live/PTS and have created a list of improvements to a lot of common problems every single builder has encountered during their time building. This is focused primarily on placement arrows on buildings and mention of module slots or lack thereof. Please note, most images talk about either the arrow placements being changed, module slots being added/moved or a combination of the two.
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Walls
Rampart Walls + Solid Walls. The new placement arrows are too strict. In this image RampartWall1 the previous system would gladly accept it. Here is a proposed solution in this image RampartWall2 . In this image, SolidWallMeme I have proposed solutions to fix everything regarding the recently added grievances including the new attachment to the back of solid walls. ImpossibleWall + ImpossibleWall2
Bulwark Walls. This image proposes changes to the SmallBulkwarkWall . Here are changes to the large bulwark wall LargeBulkwarkWall
Blast Gates + Blast Wall. The blast gate currently serves no purpose. BlastGate & BlastGate2 will give it a vital reason to be used in the foundation of a base. Much like other walls, the blast wall requires a module slot to be useful BlastWall .
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STRUCTURES
Infantry Tunnel. The infantry tunnel is a cool structure, but pointless when added to a base due to the lack of module slots. InfantryTunnel . Module Options: Repair, Durability
Infantry Tower. The dark light feature on it is awesome, however a module slot would make it a go-to object in bases. InfantryTower . Module Options: Repair, Durability
Pillbox: The pillbox lost its reliability in the new update. Adding a second module slot would resolve this allowing a durability module to be installed. Pillbox
Vehicle Bridge. THE COOLEST STRUCTURE TO EVER BE ADDED TO PLANETSIDE. The bridge has so much potential. Unfortunately, it struggles to find it’s place among reliable buildings. A module slot in the center would allow more utility for this gigantic structure as seen in this picture. THEMEGABRIDGE . In terms of the bridge arrows, moving them down slightly would allow more locations to be considered TheBridgeArrows . Module Options: Repair, Durability.
Ammo Tower. The option to install an equipment module would be an extreme convenience for tank drivers nearby to replace consumables.
Vehicle Gates. As I have stated over the many years, this shouldn’t be allowed. FloatingVehicleGate . Adding a second arrow attached to the stairs would resolve any exploitative placements. Consider adding a second one beside it to install both durability and repair to bring back the previous level of reliability. FloatingVehicleGate2 .
The Silo. The silo is, simply put, TOO BIG. It clips with tree branches way below terrain, or rocks that you can't actually see above ground. It is too wide, trying to put it tightly beside a wall doesn't work because the hitbox is actually bigger than the prefab itself.. Silo . I propose cutting the base of the silo by about 35%. I also propose reducing the width of the bottom portion for an easier time making condensed bases.
Command Center. Command Center & A Tiny Rock Why is the collision box on this structure SO, DAMN, BIG! The amount of cool places you COULD put this but you can’t. All due to something as silly as a rock being 5 meters away from the actual building. Now don't let me mention the air pad attached to it. The Air pad Center . This really should not exist. Why does the command center's air pad need to check if there is a collision 50 meters below it. Consider making the air pad collision box a separate entity, detached from the main structure collision box.
Cortium Silo Reserve. It's in a good place. A cool feature that has had some gossip would be allowing the silo to either function independently or expand the range of a current silo. By placing it on the edge of the main silo range, it would extend the range (from the point it is placed at) by adding an additional 25 meter radius of connected silo zone.
Glaive + Flail. Moving them higher above ground is a good call. It leaves more room for a base being assaulted to take down the flail/glaive. However, there needs to be death-immunity while inside a spawn tube when a flail hits the roof of your base. Theoretically, you shouldn’t die at all while in the structure.
MODULE BALANCE
The repair module; 0.5% -> 1% per second. A single tank being able to take down a base from render range is not okay. The previous system would require at least TWO tanks to take a wall down. If I remember correctly, the old repair module repaired at a rate of 350hp per second. (Around 2-2.5% in current system math)
The fortress shield module; 60 Seconds to 75/90 seconds. Cost; 500 -> 1000/2000 respectively.
Increasing the duration of the fortress shield would allow the module runner time to replace broken constructs, repair, participate in a fight or do many other roles left unfilled. 60 seconds basically leaves you running from A -> B -> A every 60 seconds in a hot zone. The exponential increase in cost would be a tradeoff for the player having more time to do other tasks.
Heavy repair module; 60 seconds to 75/90 seconds. Repair Rate; 2% -> 3% per second. Health Added -> 8000 to 10000. Cost 500 -> 1000/2000 respectively
The increased abilities of the heavy repair module would make it a more ‘attractive’ choice than choosing the fortress shield module 9/10 times. In its current form, it is not strong, it is equivalent to the old standard repair module. The exponential increase in cost would be a tradeoff for the player having more time to do other tasks.
The Firewall Module; Let this be installed into vehicle/air terminals and command center. It is called a firewall module and it should act like one. Forcing an infiltrator to hack this module would allow builders who are not at their base a bit more time to react. With the loss of AI and painspires, this would help remedy repeat situations where a player runs to get cortium and by the time they return, there are half a dozen lightnings and sunderers in your base.
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If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I have been playing since 2012. I love this game, specifically construction. The ability to be creative in a FPS is not seen in any other games and the current version of construction really limits what a builder can do. I believe the proposed changes would benefit every, single, builder. It would ease almost all frustrations regarding durability and increase the amount of reliability of player objects, including increasing the amount of usable structures in base foundations.
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Thanks for reading,
ToxicToast