Funny happy birthday meme for her

i've been using reddit for quite awhile now, lurking mostly for nearly 10 years(i cant believe it that its been that long either), and i think i've opened up reddit nearly every single day. i never had twitter, tumblr, facebook or any other 'forum'-based site that worked as well as reddit did. there's so many memories in this place that when i browse the top all time of subreddits like bestof or museumofreddit, i just think to myself 'yea i remember reading this it was such a good story' or 'wow i cant believe ive never seen this before its great.'
i can't imagine myself ever using or finding another website like reddit that simply has a big enough community that can come together and post stupid, informative, funny or amazing stuff that are literally at my fingertips. its the reason why everyone always adds in 'reddit' at the end of their google searches right??
killing third party apps would likely mean i'd have to stop using reddit cause i've been on sync for reddit for as long as i can remember and i sure as hell am not gonna use the official app. losing reddit sucks, a lot, because its honestly one of the first things i open up in the morning to catch up to speed on memes, news and niche communties and i still cant really believe that reddit is going to shit. where am i going to find cute pics of specifically straightnedfeetsies ? or amazing crafts over at gunpla ? how about when i need help to buildapc ? maybe when i want to find a new gambling addiction at gachagaming ? the community coming together to give incredibly witty responses at askouija ??? latest episode discussions of top-tier anime ??? perfectlycutscreams ? todayilearned ? moviedetails ? crazyfuckingvideos ??
i kind of went too long at the end there but you get my point, i'm holding onto a slim hope that the dev team at reddit finally wakes up and everything is fine again. sorry if my points were all around the place. i'll miss this place when third party apps and most of the community are gone with it. thank you to all moderators for your hardwork and being unsung heroes. thank you to the reddit community for being legends and apart of history o7

So you guys know how the beginning cutscene of Elden Ring has the narrator say Elden Ring in such a weird moaning way? Well and me and my brother started saying Elden Ring in that exaggerated gasping-moaning way as a joke for whenever something incredible or really sucky happened. It became a force of habit, for memes with my brother and some other friends.
Anyways I was with my girlfriend and we were having sex, and when I reached the climax, I instant connected the way the Elden Ring Guy said Elden Ring to the moan sounds and I kinda scream-moaned Elden Ring when I finished. She looked at me super weird (she doesn’t play video games at all) and left early. Did I mess up really bad? And if possible, how do I recover?
Edit: I talked to my gf this morning and she just said she was confused and thought it was weird. She’s not upset with me but asked me to make sure it doesn’t happen again, she thought it was kind of funny after I showed her the trailer.
Also as the comments pointed out, the Elden ring moan is in the announcement trailer not the opening cinematic

My mom has always reversed the roles. I’ve never gotten to experience a normal carefree childhood and had to grow up quickly. She would take my birthday money to pay bills as a kid and stress me and my sister out constantly with her money troubles. I had to cook and clean from a young age and even cooked an entire thanksgiving dinner at age 14 because my mom was too “depressed” over her fight with her bf.
Now that I’m an adult (26f) it still hasn’t stopped. She constantly acts like a child and most recently said she is looking for a new house and fully expects me to co-sign it for her since her credit is crap (always has been). I told her absolutely not and she said “not even for your own mother who birthed and raised you?” I’m sick of the guilt trips and being put in the role of her parent. She is 62 and will never grow up unfortunately. She takes no accountability for her lack of money and tries to piggy back off of me when I’ve worked my a** off to get where I am today.

Trying to get stuff for my sister's birthday next month and I need 10 energy. More then happy to help with aby links/codes you have in return.
My link is https://app.temu.com/m/usYwdi2y6S92tDp

last years summer was the best point and time in my life. i broke up with my girlfriend at the time; amazing decision. she was very manipulative and abusive. the night i broke things off over the phone, i go to a friends house, because regardless of how great the decision was, i was still sad.
he cheers me up and its a wonderful night. about a week after, im looking for someone else. i know its bad, but it gets better. he tells me what be used to do, just type in a random letter on instagram and text whoever pops up. this girl pops up and we text and plan to hang out. things go by very fast. we meet and have a great time, meet again the next day, and rhe day after. i take her on dates and we begin seeing eachother very frequently. we date the entire summer and its amazing, but i was a piece of shit.
i didnt realize it at the time, but i was a huge piece of shit. she was perfect. she was confident, funny, pretty, so many different types of attractive. i really loved this girl and i ruined things. we had gotten into an argument, a bad one, caused by me. i left her. i left her like an idiot and tried to move on but i couldnt. i spent so long thinking about things and realizing the issue was me. i take time to change and be better, and i try again.
we've been dating now for 8 months, but im scared. i slowly started getting back to how i used to be, but even worse.
i get mad at every little thing, i learn that i have anger issues. really bad ones. it started getting horrible. i hate talking about this, it makes me sick to my stomach. i dont mind judgement, im at the lowest i can be, im desperate for advice. i dont even care if i come off as a bad person.
there was about a month long period when i started getting physical. i dont know what happened, i really dont. its not like i blacked out or something, it just happened one day. it was a whole ordeal, not just a small push or anything, it was probably the worst night of her life.
i dont want to get too detailed, im very very ashamed and i get really uncomfortable talking or even thinking about it. nobody knows. this happened a few times, every other time we would see eachother, for about a month. im so glad it stopped. im not sure how, but it just did. i stopped for some reason and im so so happy i did. i havent touched her in that way since. its gotten worse in other ways though. i say the meanest things ever. things a bully would say, picking at insecurities, name calling. awful awful stuff. i dont feel good about it and i never have.
i dont want anyone thinking i enjoy it, i promise i dont. the problem i run into is trying to stop. i never plan on it, i wouldnt ever plan on it in a million years, it just happens. i hate it and i hate myself for it. it just happens anytime theres a minor inconvenience or i overthink. i feel like ive tried everything. i tell myself so many times im going to change, but ill just lose it the next day and repeat the same mistakes.
i really really want to stop. i see a therapist, dont worry. no matter what i cannot change, and i know it takes time but i need to change now, i need to stop letting it overwhelm me and get out of control.
i want to stop. i need help. if anybody has any sort of idea, please help me. i dont want to destroy our relationship again. i want her to be happy.

It's one year since my death today and if I can manipulate a keyboard enough to type a post on Reddit, I'm sure I can find a way of showing him that I know he did it, and I know it was for her. Happy anniversary, babe - see you tonight..

Ko-fi
"So, tell me about yourself." The female alien from the planet Azegon T-45 said to Terry. She was tall about 6'6 with silver teeth, purple eyes and caramel skin like butter. Her hair was actually part of her skin that had split off into several ends on top of her head and were all a crimson hue. She regarded him above her plate of 'Hungiu' A dish Terry knew nothing about but looked to resembled a foot dipped in frosting to his human eyes.
Terry peered over a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. What she'd said weighed heavily on his soul, what could he possibly tell her that would make her see him as a man of value? He'd recently lost his job after his boss walked in on him masturbating in his cubicle. He had no friends except the mailman who brings his mail and talks about shagging his neighbour's wife. He often wondered whether he should regard the mailman as a friend for confiding in him about his neighbour's promiscuous wife. His rent was due last month so for the past few weeks he'd been avoiding his landlord by jumping in through the back window of his apartment that he always left open, never using the front door. He also might be having hemorrhoids which he needed to check soon. All in all, his life was a disaster and he'd only agreed to this date after his mailman had assured him that Azegon T-45 women had the ability to relieve stress during sex.
"During sex they secrete a hormone that's like cocaine that eradicates your worries and lowers your stress levels for hours on end. They'll only bang you if you show them you're a man of value though" His mailman had said before hooking him up with the number of an Azegon T-45 woman. With the galactic federation linking planets with thousands of sentient life hence broadening an individual's possibilities, Terry still wondered why he felt stuck and in need of shagging an alien in order to have some semblance of what happiness is. But how would he come across as a man of value? He was by far the most apathetic man in the universe, he didn't care about anything and that's probably why he'd started masturbating at work, at first he'd done it for the thrill that later evolved into a habit of which he was curious to see whether he'd get caught. He did get caught, just as he was climaxing. It was a sticky affair.
The alien surveyed him, waiting for a response. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, you wanted to know something about me? Well, yesterday I woke up to the sound of birds chirping at my window. It sounded like music to anyone else's ears but to me it was a disturbing sound. I went to the window and sure enough, several birds were lined on a branch in a tree outside my apartment. Singing their God awful songs, I suddenly got angry and grabbed a shoe and hurled it at them. The birds dispersed then I realized I needed my shoe back. I climbed out of the window in my boxers and vest to retrieve the shoe only to bump into a man coming out of my neighbour's house, the man was my mailman, he'd just come from fucking my neighbour's wife, he approached me and told me about it." Terry took a sip of the cognac in hand. "So there I was, outside my apartment in my boxers with a shoe in hand, talking to a man who was zipping up his pants while telling me of the reason his zipper had been down in the first place. It was at that moment that I realized my life is shit. It came as an epiphany, everything pulled up together and the realization of great truth hit me. My life is shit and you know what the worst thing was?"
She leaned forward. "What?"
"The birds, they were still singing their God awful song."
"Are you those people who hook up with Planet Azegon T-45 aliens for the stress we relieve during sex?" She asked. Her purple eye rapidly scanning him up and down.
Terry leaned back in his chair. "I jerk off at work, got fired the other day for doing it. Thing is, I wanted to be fired. So there I was beating my meat and the manager walks in just as I'm climaxing, I do it standing up so I can look at people's faces across the cubicles, I mastered how to beat my meat without my entire body moving with the jerking motion. I normally catch someone's eye from across the cubicles as I climax but the manager stepped right in and I turned and busted a nut all over him. You know what I did immediately after?"
"What?"
"I laughed. It was the funniest thing in the world and it got me fired, irony."
"You're creepy."
"Tell me about yourself." Terry said, leaning back in his chair.
"I'm the fourth born of the litter." She stared. "We're born in litters on planet Azegon T-45 and—"
"What does the 45 stand for?"
"What?"
"The 45 in Azegon T-45, what does it stand for? I hate the number 45, takes me about 45 minutes to fall asleep, when I was caught jerking off the manager gave me a tongue lashing for 45 minutes and my mailman wears an undershirt with the number 45 printed on it. I hate that number."
"It's the number of our position on the conveyer galactic belt." She answered.
"Oh, that's nice."
"You're a weird man."
"And you were born in a litter, can't you see the connection between us? Me with my weird implications about existence. You and those purple eyes that were born in a litter." Terry said and smiled.
"You like my purple eyes?" She asked.
"No, I don't care about eyes."
"Oh"
"You know what I do like? The fact you can take away stress during sex. You can make a fortune as a prostitute." Terry said with a laugh.
"Excuse me?" She retorted, a hint of anger to her voice.
"There's so many men who are stressed out, yet you only give in to men of value. Why don't you just place value on the act itself and become rich? Then you'll seek men of no value whom you'll find plenty of."
"You jerk! I'm not a whore!" She flung her dish at him, the foot like meat with frosting hit him on the face and slid down his nose. She then stood up, "You're a sick man of no value." She walked away from the table.
"There's plenty of us around." Terry said to her retreating back. He checked his watch, the date had taken exactly forty five minutes. "Damn it." He cursed.

Hey y’all I need some advice.
About 2 months ago, my boyfriend and I adopted a friend for our cat Francine (1 year 1 month female cat). Dream (7 months old male) seemed to be a sweet boy. When we met him he was purring us and hugging and head butting non stop, we thought it’d be a great fit. Francine is a very relaxed, easy going and affectionate girl.
We bring Dream home and do a slow introduction. It took about 1 week of them being in separate rooms for the hissing to stop and aggression to go down.
Things seemed fine but as time has kept going, I’m worried that Dream is bullying my sweet Francine :( and I’m really worried it is taking a toll on her happiness.
I play with Dream 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour at night, he’s very active and both my boyfriend and I play with him as much as possible. We have a pheromone diffuser on each floor of the house. Multiple litter boxes, cat perches, scratchers, etc.., but he exhibits some of this behavior that is only getting worse:

• he terrorizes Francine. She’ll be laying on her cardboard toy being so peaceful and napping, and then he’ll come sit on top of her and bite her, kick her, or aggressively groom her. He will do this right in front of my face after an hour or so of playing with him.
  
• he swats and tries to bite me with any contact at all, unless he’s in time out for terrorizing my other cat. If he’s in time out he will hug and purr like crazy.
  

-he will go to any of Francine’s toys and try to destroy them, even though I have literally two of everything in my house so both cats have a fair shot.
I have tried so hard to be really equal with them in terms of attention, love etc.., they are polar opposites. I love both of my kitties so much but I feel like Francine is just being bothered an unnecessary amount.
I also worry that Dream is really stressed out for some reason, he just went to the vet and was perfectly healthy. I can’t tell if he’s a bully or just being kitten.
Should I separate and try to reintroduce them? Should I talk to my vet? I just want my fluffy babies to be friends and for both of them to be happy.

for two years now me and my best friend (we are both female and 16) have been in a friend group with another F16 girl. we class her as one of our closest friends. we’ve always sort of know she’s an unreliable and disloyal friend but in the last six months we both have just really considered is it fair to ourselves to keep giving her more chances.
throughout the years we’ve known her she’s always been the type to start progressing something with someone after we say we like them. which once or twice that’s ok it’s a bit unfair because we wouldn’t do that to her and never have but we can put up with it because it’s not like we own these boys it’s just more a thing of not a thing a good friend does, but it has now happened with EVERY single boy we’ve told her we like for the last two years. it annoys us because we would never do that to her.
but things got a lot worse when she started doing physical stuff not just snapping when we liked someone which happened twice. i think a red flag was when i sat and cried to her about my emotionally abusive ex boyfriend who often would threatened to hurt me which i had told her so i thought maybe out of respect for me she’d have more decency yk girl code and all but the next week i found out they were dating through a mutual friend. she couldn’t even tell me herself ? (relationship has now ended and this was more than a year ago , i am just including for context )
but then a few weeks ago it got EVEN worse and i found out from my ex boyfriend that him and her have had a sexual relationship for the last three months, which was only ended through him. and he was asked not to tell me , so as far as she knows me and my best friend do not know. this isn’t even the first time she has done something like this with HIM, when we broke up she sent him nudes the day after we broke up which she also thinks i don’t know about.
for about a month before we ( me and my best friend) found out this girl has been bringing me brownies at random about once a week and i made a tiktok where your friends say one pro and one con about you and it’s supposed to be sorry of a funny joke but she said my pro was ‘you’re the nicest girl i’ve ever met ‘ it all just felt a bit suspicious so we knew she had done something.
the universe has strange timing because after i found out this information i was driving and passed her while she was out with my best friends ex boyfriend of only like two weeks!? who she previously wasn’t even friends with , knowing her past record we both assume that it is probably more than a friendship. if i hadn’t had seen them or been told i never would have found out
the issue more so is that we feel so betrayed by her, we would have never ever done this to her. it’s the fact she can’t even tell us- she lies. she pretend to be our most trusted friend , meanwhile she snakes us out behind our backs. i hate that she lies and pretends to be a good friend .
should i confront her and tell her i know? or break the friendship off because i do not trust her at all with anything.
the issue is we don’t want to lose our mutual friends by confronting her because they don’t know what she’s done. i would feel reluctant to tell them because i don’t want her to lose all of her friends.

I have been with my partner for 3 years. Me and one of her best friends have our birthdays in the same month. Mine is near the middle of the month and her friends is near the end. My gf mentioned to me that she will have to get me less than usual for my birthday as money is tight that month. I completely understood and when it came to my birthday she got me a couple of small presents and we went out to a restaurant near our apartment.
I had a good day and she apologised a few times for not being able to get me much. The when it came to her friends birthday I saw how much my gf had gotten her. It was pretty much double what I had got and my gf took her bowling in a city near us then for food and a couple of drinks. This did annoy me slightly since my gfs reasoning for doing less for my birthday this year was due to money and then she spends a lot more money on her friend.
The day after her friends birthday, my gf asked if I was okay. I told her it hurt a bit seeing how much she got for her friend and what she did with her friend for her birthday when she repeatedly told me I wouldn't be getting much because she couldn't afford it. My gf accused me of being ungrateful and said I know money is tight for her but I just pointed out that it didn't seem tight when it came to getting her friend things and doing things with her friend.
She just repeated that I was ungrateful and that it's her money. I don't see it as being ungrateful as I was happy with what I got and understood my gfs reasoning for not doing more but it just hurt seeing how much more she did for her friend. How would you handle this situation?
tl;dr my gf said money was tight this month so she wouldn't be able to spend much on my birthday which I was fine with. Her friends birthday is at the end of the month and my gf seemed to put a lot more effort into that and got annoyed and called me ungrateful when I said how it made me feel. How would you handle this?

I had the pleasure of playing MGS1-3 completely blind for the very first time in 2022 (you may have seen some of my art in this sub!) In anticipation of beginning my MGS4 playthrough (and because I’ve had a couple of people ask my thoughts on the series), I thought I’d write up something of a retrospective. (Warning: Contains spoilers for MGS1-3 and MGR:R!)
For some context: I went into this game franchise completely blind. I could count on one hand the things I knew about Metal Gear Solid; I knew there was a boss at some stage who required you to switch controllers; I knew of ‘Snake’ from smash bros; and I’d heard the ‘ashamed of your words and deeds’ discourse regarding Quiet. While I was sick and recovering from a major surgery, I decided to finally jump into a game recommended to me over and over by a dear friend:
Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance.
MGR:R
The first thing I noticed about MGR:R was that its protagonist Raiden was super cool! He also was very obviously not Snake. I found myself thoroughly enjoying the gameplay and the overarching themes of terrorism, extremism, nationalism and the military industrial complex. The music made its way onto my Spotify; I began to realise several memes with which I was familiar (including several memes about memes) had originated in this strange game. I could go into more depth about MGR:R, but the most important thing is that it convinced me to give the mainline MGS games a shot. Even though I knew the gameplay of those would differ considerably, the politically charged storyline intrigued me-and I was promised this would remain a theme throughout all Metal Gear entries.
...And I figured since that cool cyborg ninja I just played as for 9 hours must be a side character from one of the MGS games, I’d better learn his backstory.
Highlights:

• The first time Rules of Nature’s lyrics kicked in.
• Senator Armstrong’s monologues (nanomachines, etc!)
• Jetstream Sam.

MGS1
I am terrible at stealth games. When I played through Death Stranding, I did not know you could stealth through the BTs. I simply took a run-and-gun approach to every instance in that game. MGS1’s gameplay would have turned me off, but its constant exposition and evolving narrative compelled me forth despite my hesitance. I found myself quickly endeared to the cast: both good and evil. The mystery of what happened on Shadow Moses and the legacy left by Big Boss intrigued me. There were several instances in the game that caught me completely off guard, and I was thoroughly impressed by the narrative.
Highlights:

• Psycho mantis! The whole fight. What a cool dude. And quite tragic!
• After being captured and tortured by Ocelot, I retrieved my bag and found a strange new bomb inside. Oh well, I thought. I must not have noticed that I picked this up at some point. I wonder how to use it. When Major Campbell alerted me that Ocelot had planted the explosive in my bag to KILL me, I was reminded of a similar experience I had in Death Stranding… in which I similarly noticed the addition of a strange nuclear device in my inventory and promptly thought “oh this is just another normal delivery!”
• At some point during my playthrough I couldn’t help but pause and wonder where I had heard Liquid’s voice before. I did as many have done in my position and googled it, whereupon I found my answer: his voice actor was the male blood elf voice from WOW! It seemed his voice actor also voiced Master Miller in MGS1. “That makes sense,” I remember thinking. “They must have gotten the actor to do multiple voices while he was in the studio”. Pretty standard stuff. Suffice to say, Liquid’s reveal caught me embarrassingly off-guard.

Final thoughts: MGS. What a game!
MGS2
My first thought upon starting MGS2 was “Hey! Quinton Flynn is in the credits! Raiden must be in this one! How exciting.”
I played through the opening, excited by the prospect that Otacon would be functioning as my Save Girl this time. When the game switched characters, I was OVERJOYED to see the return of my favourite cyborg ninja! Although he seemed neither cyborg nor ninja. Oh well! I already know Raiden is cool. I did not realise he was the protagonist of an entire Metal Gear game! I later learned that this game was intentionally marketed to disguise this fact. I also foolishly assumed that everyone else was as overjoyed as me to see Raiden again after playing MGR:R…
Moving on.
This game changed my life. I don’t say that lightly. I’ve spent the past 5 years studying a discipline directly linked to the themes of this game. I have written papers on the relationship between terrorism and the media. For a game like this to have been released in 2001 blew my mind. There is little else I can say. Out of the 3 mainline MGS entries I have played, MGS2 is (just barely) the game I would rank in the number 1 spot.
Highlights:

• All the stealth segments! MGS1 had trained me well to actually play through MGS2 with some degree of care. I took much greater care to avoid killing people in MGS2. I'm not sure why. It just felt like something rookie Raiden would do.
• Vamp. I’m bisexual and playing this game made me realise that this is the first (and possibly only time) I have heard a character in a video game be explicitly described by other characters as Bisexual (and not just hinted to or ‘confirmed’ as such through social media). Also he was very cool and sexy. Go Vamp!
• The scary ai scene. I need scissors 61. Could not have said it better myself!
• Raiden getting a sword. Hooray! That’s the Raiden I know and love.

Final thoughts: After I finished this game I had to sit down for 24 hours and reflect on my life. I was sure this series had peaked for me and that MGS3 could not possibly be able to live up to the standards set.
MGS3
I mentioned before that I am bisexual. After playing MGS3 I believe I am even more bisexual. MGS3’s cast endeared me like no other. It has been 6 months since I have finished this game and my phone wallpaper is still an image of The Boss. Overall, this game by far had the most enjoyable mechanics and boss fights. I mistakenly left my game for about a week to do assessment shortly after beginning to fight The End and returned to find he had DIED in my absence. I was also very confused at first about who I was playing.
“Wait a minute, this isn’t Solid Snake”. This is the man I now know will come to be known as Big Boss. And of what little I knew of him from MGS1, I believed Big Boss to have been a detestable war criminal.
As such, I decided early on in my playthrough to play him quite violently! I seldom left survivors and did not bother to use non-lethal force. I also announced this loudly and offhandedly to my friend who was very familiar with the games. He would inform me later that he had to mute himself in discord to laugh at me.
Highlights:

• The boss. She’s a real historical figure to me. I will never forget her. It would not be controversial to suggest that video games (especially of this era) seldom provided complex female characters. She is a standout amongst all characters, female or otherwise. Throughout this game, I regularly referred to The Boss as my wife.
• Ocelot! Hey Ocelot is in this and he’s a baby! What a weird guy. I guess this means he is the only character to have appeared in all 3 of the mainline games I have played! Cool! I have come to affectionately refer to Ocelot as my weird gay son.
• More bisexuality! Always a delight! Even when it's coming from a freak.
• The Sorrow. I have mentioned that I decided to play this game violently. I do not know if the Sorrow boss fight has a cap on how many soldiers can spawn, but I am certain I hit it. I do not remember exactly how long that segment took, but it was at least 20 minutes of walking. I have decided that henceforth I will play all future entries as a pacifist. Lesson learned.
• Raikov? That’s not Raiden.
• “The Boss” fight. I had to attempt this fight more than five times, as I could barely see the screen through my tears. When the game held me hostage until I pulled the trigger to kill, I became permanently scarred.

Final Thoughts: After completing MGS3 I cried on and off for about 3 days. I occasionally still think of The Boss and tear up. As I write this, I come unbearably close to doing so again.
In Summary
I have not yet played MGS4 but I have installed the disc into my PS3 and just barely opened the game. The game’s menu depicts a man standing in a graveyard filled with white flowers; the very same flowers which symbolise The Boss. The menu screen then pans away as the man shoots himself.
That wasn’t even the game! That’s just the menu screen!! I don’t know what MGS4 is about. I don’t know what Peacewalker is about either, nor MGS5. I am looking forward to (and am also terrified of) continuing my journey through these games. I look forward to seeing Raiden’s return (as I’m sure everyone did) and eventually experiencing a MGS game with modern day controls.
Thank you for reading my Metal Gear Solid retrospective.

I was born on my mum's birthday. It's never caused a problem when it comes to who feels special or gifts and I've never argued with her about something like this. This year we agreed to go to London for our birthday. My entire family loves travelling and my best friends live there. Because of the cost of the trip and the fact that we weren't bringing any other luggage besides our carry on we mutually agreed not to get eachother anything. It was the best decision since we both knew there wouldn't be enough space for a proper gift and the trip was already very pricey. This calmed me down because i had no idea what to get her or how to hide it and not getting eachother gifts for one birthday would make things more convenient and simple. However on the night of our birthday she came down to my room and gave me a birthday gift. Of course I was happy but I also felt bad because I didn't get her anything since that was what we agreed on. Ever since we got back I've been trying to find this specific item that she wanted to buy for herself but it's always sold out and it's quite expensive. I've really been trying my best to get her something but my heart is set on this because i know that after not getting her a gift something like this would really make her happy. But more than once she keeps bringing up the fact that I didn't get her a birthday gift as a way to make me feel bad when I want to buy something for myself. She says that even though we agreed I should've been inclined to get her something because that's just what's right and even though we did agree I should know to get her something because she's my mother. I feel horrible everytime she says anything about it and now even if I buy her something it will seem like a pity gift.

This week has been SO slow. For me. I have 2500+ batches completed; I generally do pretty well every week. But this week has been messed up. I have gotten orders to my preferred store about 4 times this week, and have been sitting in the parking lot waiting for batches ALL day long. From open to close. Meanwhile, I speak with several other shoppers in messenger and in store.
There are two shoppers who both say they are getting HUGE orders, one said Monday she made 400$ while both me and my wife saw NOTHING the whole day over 24$ for high miles. The other has gotten two batches for over 100$ and saying she “is happy she got this one before her vacation” the last few weeks she has gotten two for over 100$ every week.
The rest of us who are in my messenger group who have been shopping this store for a few years now have been struggling to get any offers. All day it’s nothing but low 20s and high miles for all of us (about 6 people)
I’m not saying these two are botting. I have definitely had weeks where I do REALLY well but others are struggling. It seems instacart has a hidden priority system that gives specific shoppers the good orders and others on a 2nd level priority. I just wish we knew if I was gonna get shafted all week before sitting in the parking lot wasting my f’ing life. Like, it’s so obvious this is the case when I see these two running in and out of the store over and over with flats full of stuff worth well over 600$ while the rest of us are staring at nothing.
If I could find a job paying 50k where I can work 3 13s or 4 10s I’m out. This job is great when it’s great and sucks when it sucks.

Little bit of insight: my n-ex was abusive in almost every way (just not sexually), and made many false police reports about me perpetrating violence onto her which resulted in intervention orders, multiple court hearings and thousand of $$$ in legal fees. Shows no empathy, compassion or sympathy. Has blackened my name to everyone who knows us both. Due to little self-worth and insecure attachment, I unfortunately had my identity tied up with her. She has always made contact with me after orders had been put in place and love-bombed me back.
She has decided to relocate states, but wanted to stay in contact (to most likely just keep me around for when she’s bored). It’s been two days since she moved but I haven’t heard from her. I haven’t made contact.
I am feeling so desperate for her attention. I feel like a fool. I’m so scared that she will move onto someone else. She did say that our future was uncertain, so I think I’m holding on to the fact that we MIGHT still have a chance. A low chance, in fact. I am so lonely, sad and miserable and I absolutely hate the person I have become: desperate for someone else to make me happy, especially when this one person has been so horrible.
I just don’t know where to start. Thank you to anyone who has read this far.

I have been having panic attacks for 2 years. And was worried about how to tell my family about it. Don't get me wrong, they are very supportive, but sometimes I find it difficult to explain my situation. I get panic attacks from triggers that are very normal for others (eg : sudden change in plans ) . My dad is a very spontaneous and enthusiastic person by nature. And this causes me serious anxiety when we do things together. Yesterday I finally told him about it. And he was very supportive. I feel relieved and really happy now. He is the first person to whom I told about my panic attacks and asked for help in these situations. Also told him on what to do next time I have one. (I am a type of person who hates to ask for help and hates looking weak in front of others, so this is a big milestone for me) Currently I am thinking about ways to tell my mom about the same. She is a understanding person but finds it difficult to emphasize with my weaknesses. Also she has this absurd mindset to try and 'fix' things that cannot or need not be fixed. I am worried that when I tell her about this, she will jump to fix my panic attacks and end up worsening them. Any suggestions what to do?

Not sure how best to explain the situation, as it affects most relationships in my life, but I'll try and keep it relevant and precise. There is alot of history and context missing in the post, in the spirit of keeping it readable. Happy to answer any questions in the comments.
Over the last year or so, my social battery/patience/whatever you'd like to call it has plummeted rapidly. This has been accompanied by a generalised lack of interest in hobbies that used to bring me great joy, and an oppressive feeling of purposelessness. I'm aware that these are symptoms of depression, and have been trying to seek therapy for both this and what I suspect to be symptoms of an attention disorder of some nature. It is difficult to find therapists/psychiatrists in my country that are professional and effective, so I have not had much luck there.
Now, to the problem at hand. My girlfriend of a year is unable to offer any kind of emotional support when I'm having a bad spell. She tries, but her words either fall flat or somehow end up making me feel worse. I try to explain that I'm not in the sort of headspace where I can effectively communicate what exactly I need, and that what she's doing is not helping, but it devolves into an emotionally exhausting back and forth, with her thinking I'm attacking her and ultimately me being forced to put whatever it is I'm feeling to one side so that I can make her feel better. Obviously, not conducive to what was intended as an open discussion.
This then leads to me having to take long spells of space, because she is not okay with letting me be when I want to be alone, despite me having explained to her that she probably can't help. Naturally, she usually does not respect that I want to be alone, and loopholes/forces her way back in after a day or two.
Right now I'm on the second day of space and feel as drained and empty as before. I do not know what to do here. I understand that there may be a lack of understanding on her end because I went through a whole lot of parental trauma as a child, (and still do to this day) and she had a comparatively problem free upbringing, but I don't know how to make her understand or find a middle ground that prevents a buildup of resentment for me, and feelings of inadequacy for her. I know she means well, which is why the complete ineffectiveness throws me off. Any advice is appreciated.
TL;DR - I'm going through a rapidly worsening mental health crisis, and don't know what to do about my girlfriend actively making it worse despite being well intentioned.

DD free Half Chinese the other half German Irish, brown eyes/hazel eyes, Black Brown (now grey) hair, board shoulder build, somewhere between endomorph (70) and a mesomorph (30) body type. Although I wouldn't claim I was athletic; back in my mid 30's I was able to complete both the P90x, P90x Doubles and Insanity programs. No family history of cancers, diabetes, heart disease and all that fun stuff. Not 19 vaxed nor have I caught it, despite being mostly active during that time. I was part of a clinical trial but received the placebo. Don't get sick often and not on any drugs, prescription, non-prescription, OTC, or from the dude at the corner of the street. Used to have better than 20/20 but now that I'm older it's just 20/20, I thought I needed glasses but apparently this is how people with 20/20 see. College educated and often accused of being smart, I tend to think differently, but I'm not sure if that's nature or nurture, both my parents were intelligent in their own ways. On my mother's side (Irish German) males stand around 6'2" big frame, females 5'2" small frame on my father's side ( Chinese) males 5'7" female 5'2" small frames. I stand at 5'7" with a 6' arm span, usually those are close to a 1:1 proportion but as stated above I have pretty broad shoulders.
That's enough about me, let's talk about you...in relation to me: As a Sperm Donor with little to no involvement after(40% interest) the only thing I'm looking for is that you are DD free and capable of caring for a child, single or multiple times, anonymous or unanimous is workable just state the preference.
As a kink or lifestyle (20% interest) this is pretty much a play by ear, I'm pretty open to a lot of things be it risk play, cuckolding, swinging, or whatever. I'm not overly interested in this option but I'm not going to rule it out either. Fun is fun right? Average hung, unless you believe that Asian stereotype, in which case I guess I'd be well hung.
If you're interested let me know which option tickles your fancy.
*** The excessive information below doesn't really pertain if you're looking for what's listed above, read on if you're looking for something more****
As a relationship (35% interest) looking ideally for someone with intelligence, a good attitude and sense of humor, in good health, a little to a lot of quirky, and honorable. A pretty face, blonde or red hair with blue, grey, or green eyes, small but curvy (voluptuous) frame. Some shared interest in: learning, reading, movies, horror, gardening, health and fitness, haunted houses (amusement type), travel, philosophy, psychology, mythology, theology, investments. Love language expression physical touch or quality time.
As co-parenting (5% interest) I'm not particularly interested in this option but won't rule it out either. Financially intelligent, mentally stable, and physically healthy, no addictions, the ability to raise a child. Since I travel a lot for work I could be a background game day dad visiting whatever set times, or we can do a split custody.
So that's the breakdown on a scale of 100 of what I'm looking for, notice "game playing" didn't get any points...
So aside from being wordy, I shift between being talkative and quiet. Single with no kids, I have a place in Pahrump NV and Frederick MD. Although I call Pahrump home I grew up in Jersey. I'm a pretty self sufficient and self reliant person, with a general proficiency in most things be it labor or intellectually intensive, pretty resilient and extremely adaptive. I'm told I'm too funny but have yet to get a girl to laugh so hard that her clothes fell off and was teleported to my bed, although funny enough to have her pants peed in. I appreciate most forms of humor, but let's face it I'm looking to up my dad joke game here, so if you're horny for corny... I tend to enjoy dark humor to a potentially disturbing level, at least that's what the people locked in my basement keep saying, actually that's not true I don't have a basement. I enjoy audio books (for entertainment or learning) as well as actual books (for learning) , I don't have a genre specific music I like just specific songs but if I'm just listening I'll usually listen to EDM, dubstep, 60's - 90's, or ridiculous (parody or amusing) music. Big movie fan can spend all day in a theater, but enjoy at home streaming as well. I also enjoy video, board, and the occasional card games. I hate to say I enjoy working out or going to the gym because it doesn't feel true but it's also not untrue. I also walk my two dogs a lot which they enjoy way more than I do. Overall I'm a pretty laid back, patiently understanding temperament, seemingly going with the flow, blend in with the normal kind of guy. Which balances out (as all things should be)with my very out of the ordinary perspectives, weird thinking, and just plain strange situations I get in.
Despite the large amount of info here this is just a fraction of one of my multiple personalities, so if you want to know more shoot me a note.

"Our God-given right to have all of the fruits of life on this planet has been crudely taken from us by the Oppressor's ages ago."
"What are you trying to say?"
"I'm explaining to you that GOD wanted us to be happy. Do you think It wanted us to suffer in any way? Well, he didn't. But people got greedy for power and began including evil in their occultist ceremonies, with only power on their minds. And now it's too late. Everyone has been walking around thinking they have freedom; that THIS shit is what life is really about, not knowing how much more God gave to us in the beginning."
"Hmmm."
"But try to tell man that in today's time. You try explaining this to anyone, and they take you as either insane, or religiously fucked up."
"Why are you telling me this at four in the morning? Why so much anticipation in your voice?"
"Because you are the only one who would believe me when I say that I have secrets from The Book of Life. Secrets that no man was meant to know. These things fell into my lap and stared at me with all of their truth and I cannot undo it's introduction into my mind. And these things can never be passed on by me, but I don't trust myself. I'm worried that I will divulge these secrets out of fear; that is why I must do this. Tell my wife it isn't her fault. You know how she is. That's what I'm asking of you, okay?
"Okay."
At that moment, the tired friend only heard a large BAM and then a less loud thump. The friend was in shock and bewilderment, realizing hDae would always wonder whether his best man was genuinely blessed with some forbidden knowledge, or was simply insane. He finally hung up the phone.
Somewhere in another realm with differing vibrational frequencies in motion, a bellowing growl emitted from the Prince of Darkness himself.
"You forgot to tell him HOW you got the information, you coward. What? Too much for you was it? Well, welcome home then. I own you. That was the deal. You should have asked yourself if you were strong enough, first. Now go wash the blood off of you. You're mine now, and I have lots of work for you to do.You fucking suicides are getting on my nerves. It seems noone can handle the truth these days. Oh well. It is what it is."
The dead man stared down at the firey landscape of Hell and cried.

We have been together for 4 years now (mostly long distance). I told her about something that happened with my family because I consider I should be able to tell my partner everything without the fear of judgement or mockery. She immediately made a joke about it after an hour of telling her that. It was in bad taste and not funny to me. It seemed like my personal story was like a reality show for her to enjoy. This is not even the first time that she has used something I told her in confidence or being vulnerable that she used against me in a fight later or to make fun of me.
This time I didn't argue, I just told her that she was out of line and I didnt feel like talking to her. She's been apologizing since, but I still can't seem to forget it. I'll never want to talk to her about anything related to my family now. But I don't know if it is the best thing to stop talking when she keeps asking for a chance to show me that she's not a bad person. I know she's not but this behaviour is what I dont want to continue to bear.
What should I do to feel better or more confident about her not doing it again? I can not care but again I don't want to have to keep putting up walls with my partner. I want to completely trust them with my feelings and my heart. I am having a really hard time talking to her or just not being mad at her

Parents that Treat you Like Shit and punish you When your doing well, And treat you Well and Reward you when your Failing-and Hating yourself
When you start to try and develop a life, make room for all that you are, You have no idea the wall of resistance that will surface in your psyche. These parental introjections, schemas. Some vague sense of guilt for doing well. Then the worst thing, ......the sadness.... and grief .....knowing ....knowing that your parent preferred to see you failing, than succeeding. Then this overwhelming feeling of Sadness and pain, because You're aware of something that is so insidious, and destructive, and you realize that you've been doing this to yourself, failing on purpose, all these years.......for nothing.
I had this horrendous experience yesterday. A friend of mine, was telling me that her daughter was attending a celebration/gathering at a Prep-school she had attended , and my friend was overjoyed. Of course she was, that's normal. But when I was listening to her, all I felt was pain. You know that moment when someone is sharing something celebratory, and it's such a stark contrast to what you experienced that all you can think is "Please stop!, DON"T tell me anymore". Because all you've ever known, was a parent sabotaging you, competing with you, undermining you, tricking you, going out of their way to make sure you feel like shit about yourself....and using every shitty destructive-abusive tactic to make you quit being you, make you hate succeeding because they're having such an adverse reaction to your sense of pride, accomplishment, and joy. And then here's my friend telling me about her daughter, that she most likely had to make sacrifices to make that happen, , but she did it for her daughter, because she loves her daughter and wants to see her do well, be happy, have success, thrive. And then there's my Mother. I felt like a piece of shit on the bottom of her shoe. And I was ....angry. It's not fair.
Do you remember being like 8-11, and being so excited at school, working on a school project, and enjoying the challenge? Feeling like "this is fun, I get to show what I can do, look at me!" Then the whole thing goes fucking sideways when your parent realizes that you possess a certain aptitude, skill, gift, talent. Can't have that, noooo, can't have that. I just feel the loss. This huge gap, hole, where the experience of pride, and accomplishment should be-the look of a parent's loving gaze, just to see you happy. It doesn't have to be that you were the next child prodigy, just that you found something that spoke to you, that mattered. . And I hate that when I do things now, it will never make up for not ever feeling like I could be loved while I was happy, but only being lovable, if I was miserable and failing, and immersed in shame. THAT'S FUCKED UP!
It's an uncommon occurrence-not everyone attends a prep school-obviously-so. But just knowing that her daughter most likely was brought up to strive, thrive, do her best, apply herself, without any threats, or someone trying to sabotage her, put her down so that she never felt good about anything she did, no one just waiting in the wings and squashing any new found feelings of confidence whenever you managed to obtain just an inkling of pride. No , that's not what happened. Her daughter could freely apply herself, do well, work hard, with no fear of being punished because she had unwittingly triggered feelings of jealousy, rage and insecurity, competitiveness, shame, in a personality disordered Mother. I had so many mixed feelings; anger, sadness, shame, grief.
I used to wonder why I didn't do my best, when I knew something was important to me. Why I constantly performed below my level of ability. Why I gave up so easily.
It's impossible to explain to anyone what this feels like, what you went through with a parent like this, it's so perverse. It felt like not being allowed to do well, or feel good about myself, and I was punished whenever I accomplished anything. Punished how, you might ask? The silent treatment, constant fucking hostility and abusive comments, mocking you, teasing you, willfully withholding compliments and encouragement , emotional support when you needed it, when it would be natural and appropriate to do that (*see emotional neglect). Making it so hard to continue to do well because of the backlash-that you just quit because you can't live under that kind of threat and pressure all the time. And that part really eats at me, because it sounds like excuses, like you're just looking for a way to explain your "failing", but you just wanted the assaults to stop. So,......if I quit, and then fell into a hole of despair and self-hatred, then I would be treated -better. I was rewarded for feeling terrible about myself, and abandoning myself. It's fucking mind bending to think about. I had this thought, that wasn't really a thought , an unspoken understanding, sure I could continue to do well, but I would be made to suffer-it would cost me, or I could quit and things would get better.
You don't know where to begin to explain the idea of being "punished", how that manifested, with a parent that was always slamming doors closed , instead of trying to create opportunities to open them for you. It's the abrasiveness, the mocking, the treating you like shit when your doing well, and then treating you well and being nice when you're failing -immersed in shame-and suicidal. Them fucking watching you feel so low and shame ridden, and they're genuinely feeling happy that now they can breath a sigh of relief because you're not a threat anymore. It makes me feel so sad. I blamed myself all these years for failing, believed I was worthless and didn't deserve anything , because of her.
SO........moving forward and allowing things in my Life is frought with all kinds of internal conflicint, ambivalent feelings. I'm really aware that I'm the only one, and someone I'm paying to say, "good for you, you go, Yay!" And there's just all that sadness and grief, and residual shame for having to squash my potential, or be squashed. They punish you for doing well, and you don't know what you're doing wrong, or why it's happening. But then you get it. And your like, "fine, I get it, I"ll just stop trying to have a life". Then you forget where that came from. You think it's just in your nature to fail, or be lazy, or not try, your not "applying" yourself. So I'm glad, and not glad I know where all this internal struggle is coming from. Why when I should feel proud and happy for what I've accomplished, I feel sad and alone. People that don't support you when your doing well, and only support you when your failing are not your friends. I should be just as lovable succeeding-or happy (happy is success) , as I am when I'm struggling and can't get out of my own way.